Get Herald RSSDevoid of any original ideas that would be even somewhat interesting to the 10 Brown students who actually read the sports page, I decided, since it's a Friday, to hark back to my days as an idealistic high school journalist and write a good old-fashioned picks column. Winners are in CAPS.
NEW ORLEANS at Kansas City Mad props to Herm Edwards for going for two and the win last week when his Chiefs trailed the Chargers by one with less than a minute remaining. Alas, they didn't convert and ended up losing 20-19. But when your defense is beat up and unlikely to survive any overtime assault, and your team is 1-7, what's not to lose? Unfortunately, Edwards' "cojones grandes," as Stephen Colbert would say, won't be enough to save the Chiefs this week either.
Detroit at CAROLINA Does this one even need an explanation?
PHILADELPHIA at Cincinnati Perhaps the biggest disappointment of the season has been being denied the opportunity to see Chad "Johnson" Ocho Cinco wear a jersey with his new government-approved surname on the back. The Bengals' touchdown celebration extraordinaire legally changed his last name from Johnson to Ocho Cinco in August, but the NFL wouldn't let him wear "Ocho Cinco" on the back of his uniform unless he compensated Reebok for all their unsold "Johnson" jerseys. Ocho Cinco decided not to pony up, but he will be allowed to have his new name on his jersey next season. 2009 can't come soon enough for this franchise.
Denver at ATLANTA OK, how about some real analysis for this one? Looking like a steal as the third pick in this year's draft, Falcons Quarterback Matt Ryan has turned a woeful squad that went 4-12 in 2007 into a real playoff contender in 2008. Ryan's been almost perfect at home this year - he's completed 70 percent of his passes for 902 yards, five touchdowns and no interceptions - in leading his team to its best start through nine games since 2004. On Sunday, Broncos QB Jay Cutler's Vanderbilt smarts under center won't quite make up for his team's slumping and injury-plagued running game.
Baltimore at NEW YORK GIANTS You know those Citizen Eco-Drive watch commercials? "Unstoppable, Eli Manning is," they say. I always used to snicker: just put some linebackers in his face and he'll be dead like a fake Rolex. But now, with his team the defending champions and with a reasonable chance to repeat this season, my snarkiness has turned into a kind of spiteful respect.
Minnesota at TAMPA BAY When Gus Frerotte is your quarterback, you know you're in trouble.
Oakland at MIAMI Nothing this year was more painful to watch than the September press conference during which resident lunatic/Raiders owner Al Davis acted like the 1970s relic that he is and used an overhead projector to explain why he'd fired (now former) Head Coach Lane Kiffin. The dysfunctional Raiders - whose owner probably still uses the telegraph - are 1-4 since then. Nice going, Al.
CHICAGO at Green Bay Kyle Orton's actually a decent quarterback? Who knew?
Houston at INDIANAPOLIS Oh, how the tables have turned. After winning five straight AFC South titles, the Colts are now four games back of the division-leading Titans. The Colts should be fine this week, though. They're 13-1 all time against the Texans. History has to be good for something, right?
St. Louis at SAN FRANCISCO I'm kind of hoping the 49ers win this one in a blowout just so new Head Coach Mike Singletary doesn't need to drop his pants during his halftime speech again as a motivational ploy.
Arizona at SEATTLE Every time people have high expectations for the Cardinals - which happens at the beginning of pretty much every season - they end up in the NFC West doghouse. Granted, their division is despicably weak this season, but can this perennial loser of a franchise that's won just two playoff games since 1947 really keep this run up for much longer?
TENNESSEE at Jacksonville The Madden Curse actually worked out quite well for the Titans. Kerry Collins, who took over for former Madden cover boy Vince Young, is suddenly looking like MVP material. Tennessee's won every game that Collins has started, and they're running away with the AFC South.
SAN DIEGO at Pittsburgh C'mon LT! I need some fantasy points from you this week.
Dallas at WASHINGTON (Sunday night) Call me a homer, but I think my Redskins pull this one out, so long as power back Clinton Portis makes it into the game (he's a game-time decision right now with an MCL sprain). Besides, I already made one mistake picking Dallas this year when I drafted Tony Romo in the second round of my fantasy draft.
CLEVELAND at Buffalo (Monday night) Wow, bet ESPN wishes it could have this one back. I'll be watching "Heroes" instead. Heck, even "How I Met Your Mother" would be better than this slopfest.
Alex Mazerov '10 cannot play with them, cannot win with them, cannot coach them!
