Editorials

Diamonds and Coal

By
Thursday, April 16, 2009

A diamond to the sophomore who runs a business making “pupcakes” and other baked goods in need of quotation marks. With Spring Weekend coming up, you may want to whip up some “brownies.”
 
A sympathetic diamond to Latin American countries, who former Chilean President Ricardo Lagos Escobar said had “done their homework” regarding economic development and had “been good students,” but were still suffering. Don’t say we didn’t warn you those macro problem sets are a bitch.

Coal to Rush Limbaugh, who suggested that our “multiculturist” University, after renaming Columbus Day, might as well get rid of Halloween. That’s silly. Although, technically, you have a point — Halloween parties at FishCo are probably at least as responsible for the spread of syphilis as Columbus was.

Speaking of disease, a diamond to Jim Yong Kim ’82, who spoke about global health Tuesday before heading off to Hanover, N.H., to become the new president of Dartmouth. Malaria, schmalaria — wait until you see what’s going around in those frat basements.

A diamond to the Class of 2013, which had higher than average SAT scores than previous pools. We hope you’re also smaller than average — we hear rumors that ResLife may have to put three of you in a New Pembroke kitchen.

Coal to the state of Rhode Island, which is expected to reject Brown’s request for $215 million in federal stimulus funds for new projects. What else are you going to spend money on in Rhode Island? Our biggest industries are discount furniture, indoor prostitution and veal.

A diamond to the Corporation, which will consider changing its policy of sealing its official documents for 50 years. If only, before we die, we might get to read the official transcript of what you said when you saw that ladder flying toward the window.

Finally, a diamond to the forecast for Spring Weekend. According to the National Weather Service, there’s a 90 percent chance that Nas will make it rain on dem hos.