Diamonds and Coal

Diamonds and Coal, April 6

Friday, April 6, 2012


Coal to Brown Student Agency’s Marketplace website, which crashed for the third year in a row Wednesday morning as students attempted to buy Spring Weekend tickets. BSA attributed the crash to malicious outside activity. We think they should have expected it when the Brown Concert Agency booked a band called the Glitch Mob as the Saturday headliner.


A diamond to Facebook, which grouped together angry posts about failing to buy Spring Weekend tickets, indicating that students’ friends had posted about the Birmingham Small Arms Company. We don’t know how they caught wind of the unannounced new act, but BSA Co.’s pretty cool. You’ve probably never heard of them. 


Coal to the University librarian who said of the extensive resources the library provides, “We offer a banquet. With the Google box, all you get is dessert.” Why use the library when the Internet is at your fingertips? You should just “let them eat cupcakes” – we read online that’s what Marie Antoinette would say.


A diamond to the Rhode Islander who asked, “If you ask the people in Woonsocket right now if they want to raise taxes or sell a little marijuana, what would they want to do?” Replace “raise taxes” with “work for Dining Services,” and he has pinpointed the classic dilemma of the cash-strapped first-semester student.


Cubic zirconia to renowned science writer Carl Zimmer, who in a talk Thursday night told the audience that he was going to  explain “how an English major ended up with a tapeworm named after him.” If ending up with a tapeworm is how you make it as an English major, maybe it’s time to switch to engineering.


Coal to Aaron Fitzsenry, Dining Services’ culinary manager for retail operations, who said, “Anywhere you bring chocolate and strawberries, you’re going to make friends.” If you had our middle school experience, you’d know sometimes it isn’t that easy.


A diamond to artisan soap maker Rick Roden, who said his soap is so clean “you could eat this stuff.” That’s more of an endorsement than we’ve heard for any casserole the Ratty has ever served.


Cubic zirconia to the freshman who said of the recent renovations to the Ratty, “It makes going on a Ratty date finally acceptable,” adding that the experience of eating there is now “almost intimate.” For a truly intimate end to the night, the romantics among us should consider a trip to the 13th floor SciLi bathrooms.


A diamond to each of the civically minded Brunonians who has already submitted questions they’d like to ask future student leaders at the UCS/UFB Candidate Debate The Herald is sponsoring next Thursday, April 12 from 8-10 p.m. in Metcalf Auditorium. Do you, too, want a shiny reward? Email or tweet @the_herald with questions or suggestions for the debate.