Diamonds and Coal

Diamonds & Coal, April 26

Thursday, April 26, 2012

A diamond to President-elect Christina Paxson, whose now-famous scarf has convinced us she will be the fashion icon Brown has been yearning for. Just wait – come September, her accessory choices will be all the rage among the denizens of the Rock steps.


Coal to the Undergraduate Council of Students for its proposed constitutional amendment to allow it to determine its own funding without the approval from the Undergraduate Finance Board. Not since former President Barnaby Keeney led his infamous raid on the Gate’s snack shelves have we seen such effrontery.


A diamond to everybody at Spring Weekend! We don’t remember a thing, but we hear there was sun and a low crime rate!


Coal to the Cornell administrator who said, “Within the Ivy League, there’s Harvard, Princeton and Yale, and there’s the other five.” We didn’t see the Glitch Mob tweeting its love to the students in New Haven this weekend. … That is all.


Cubic zirconia to Joe Barboza, facilities manager for Dining Services, who told The Herald, “It’s a good day when there are only a couple of potatoes left.” Millions of 19th century Irish peasants would beg to differ. 


Coal to this year’s announced housing changes, which wreaked havoc on the housing lottery, prompted Facebook memes galore and for once made Graduate Center cells – we mean, suites – a hot commodity in short supply.


A diamond to the co-founder of BodyRox, a dance fitness class, who said, “BodyRox hand-selects its instructors. We only want the most energetic, inspiring and hottest instructors so that our clients know they can come to a BodyRox class and will leave soaked in sweat.” We know an outgoing president who sounds like the perfect fit and might just have some extra time on her hands.


Cubic zirconia to the woman at a University of Rhode Island rally who shouted, “I pledge allegiance to Ron Paul.” Many light years away, William Jennings Bryan shed a single silver tear.


A diamond to UCS President-elect Anthony White ’13. We look forward to many an impromptu Brown Band concert outside Provost Mark Schlissel’s P’15 office next semester as part of White’s bold new fundraising initiative. Might we suggest “Call Me Maybe”?


And a final diamond to President Ruth Simmons, who has left us with 11 years worth of carbon lumps to fill this column. Just because we now have a scarf doesn’t mean we’ll be parting with those T-shirts.