Diamonds and Coal

Diamonds and Coal, Feb. 1

Friday, February 1, 2013

A diamond to Harry Belafonte for telling students at the Rhode Island School of Design to “tell me the generosity of your soul, and I’ll tell you how far I think we can go.” We gave a half a scone to a squirrel once. How far does that take us?

Coal to James Hall, executive director of the Providence Preservation Society, who suggested demolishing the strip with Froyoworld and Metro Mart in order to beautify Thayer Street. Um, hello — tear down the Sciences Library.

Diamonds to all the students who participated in “butt-shaking competitions” during Frank Santos Jr.’s hypnotist show Thursday at the Stephen Robert ’62 Campus Center. You are all winners, no butts about it.

Coal to the attendee of Kent Stetson ’01 and Big Nazo Labs’ StyleWeek fashion show who said, “Who doesn’t want a pelvis bag now?” He added, “When you see a twelve-foot skeleton holding one, you think, ‘Hey, I might be able to pull it off, too!’” Yeah, that’s what we thought about parachute pants — and pictures are forever.

A diamond to the UCS member who said, “It’s really hard to enter a class where people have already made friends.” Not if Janis Ian draws you a cafeteria map.

A cubic zirconia to Colin Kane, chairman of the I-195 Redevelopment District Commission, who said the Jewelry District’s Dynamo House would require a creative tenant to take advantage of the large, historic building. Four bouncy castles, two bowling alleys and one aboriginal basket-weaving emporium coming up.

Coal to the junior who said his student group attracted two or three times as many members this year by advertising spring rolls at its first general body meeting and then complained about their lack of funding for food. He failed to realize that you don’t need a food budget in order to advertise free food.

A trove of diamonds to the Committee for Financial Aid to help fund universal need-blind financial aid for undergraduate applicants, which the committee endorsed in its interim report released last Friday. Given the current state of the University’s endowment, we’re pretty sure Brown needs them more than we do.

Coal to Paul Bloom, a professor of psychology at Yale, who conducted a study in which children watched “naughty” puppets. We’re jealous. We spent hundreds of dollars to see Avenue Q.

A diamond to the head coach of the Brown player who was recently drafted into Major League Lacrosse who said, “A scholar by day, he puts on his locksmith hat and goes to work at night.” Sounds like a sick hat, bro.

A cubic zirconia to Patricia Ybarra, co-chair of the Committee on Educational Innovation and associate professor of theater arts and performance studies, who said an eight-hour conference the day before classes began was “actually very fun.” We’re nervous if she’s the one planning curricular reform.

Coal to Young Jean Lee, the director of Sock and Buskin’s production of “Straight White Men,” who said “When starting a play, I ask myself, ‘What’s the last show in the world I would ever want to make?’ Then I force myself to make it.” Brown Concert Agency, please do not take note.