Dorman ’16: The implications of Brown Confessions

Thursday, March 7, 2013

On the night of Feb. 26, someone posted in Brown Confessions, “I’m suicidal, but I’m too much of a pussy to actually do it.” When I read this post I was terrified. Immediately I questioned what I should do. Should I try to convince this person to identify him or herself? Call Psychological Services or some other form of suicide hotline? But I did nothing.

This column isn’t about the morality of doing or not doing something. Within a few minutes, this crisis had passed when someone commented with a phone number to call. Some other individuals commented long appeals on why not to do it. I cannot pretend to speak for all people who have Brown Confessions on their Facebook News Feeds, but I did not sign up for this.

I feel awful for the person who posted that comment. I wish I could give him or her the help he or she needed, but frankly, I can’t on that Facebook page. There is no shame in mental illness or rough times. I have been in some pretty rock-bottom psychological places myself, but my ability, or anyone else’s ability to relate to what this person is going through does not make it Facebook-appropriate.

When I read this post, I described feeling scared, but I also felt isolated and helpless. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of responsibility that if this person went through with hurting him or herself, it would be partially my fault for having read it and failed in helping.

The following afternoon, another person posted “I’m struggling with bulimia. My family knows but my friends don’t. The weight gain is making me more depressed than I’ve ever been in my life. Psych Services didn’t help.” I feel awful for this person, too. He or she should never feel ashamed for struggling with this illness. But should this be on Brown Confessions — a page so anonymous that instead of messaging the administrators of the page, you upload your confessions through SurveyMonkey?

I am not even going to outright state these sorts of pleas for help shouldn’t be on Facebook. If there exist groups of people on this campus who want to set up a serious confession hotline for these sorts of admittances and cries for help — people who are dedicated to reading each and every post and helping those in need — I would be in full support of them. But it should not be the burden on 600 students’ shoulders, students with varying degrees of Facebook activity, to sift through all of the confessions in search of the anonymous people who may be in physical or psychological danger.

At first, the confessions on this page were benign, but in a matter of days they escalated to some people confessing about serious problems they were facing. Do the confessions I mentioned above seem appropriate in the context that placed them below a comment such as, “I know I should be paying attention in class, but my professor has really great tits and all I can do is fantasize about having sex with her?” Does it seem appropriate that people have liked the comments I mentioned above? I am sure their intentions were in the right place, but a thumbs up near a post like one of these seems inherently inappropriate.

We can’t change the nature of the Brown Confessions page as it is. “Confessions” is a Facebook fad, just like its predecessors, Brown Compliments and Brown Admirers, and it will be primarily composed of friends giving each other ego boosts and trolling. I don’t think Brown Confessions is the right venue to confess depression or feelings of inadequacy. It’s not fair to the uninvolved Brown populace and it’s not fair to the posters, who are not getting the help or attention they deserve. There are plenty of forums on campus to discuss these important topics, but I don’t think it should be popping up on so many students’ News Feeds.

Some of us are more capable of emotionally supporting others than the rest of us, but the point is that there are plenty of things college students should not have to deal with — not because we shouldn’t care, but because they are beyond our capacities to handle. Some of us are barely holding our lives together as it is. Our limits need to stop being tested on these Facebook groups of diverse constituencies before things get out of control and we see our limits fail.

Caitlin Dorman ’16 is concentrating in Science and Society and is interested in receiving your feedback at caitlin_dorman@brown.edu.

’13

I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, but if I read it correctly, I’m horrified.

Mental illness and eating disorders are real issues on this campus, and sometimes we don’t know how to handle them. Sometimes the best someone can do is to scrawl a panicked note on the bathroom wall or to post… on an anonymous confession site.

Caitlin, have you ever experienced extreme, debilitating depression? Have you had an eating disorder? Have you ever felt as if there were something so wrong with you that you couldn’t tell anyone? If so, then you must know what I mean. If not… well, then your article suggests a certain “ignorance is bliss.” If it’s not happening to you, then why should you be burdened with other people’s struggles? Not everyone is ready to open up to their friends and family. Not everyone is comfortable going to Psych Services. Not everyone knows where to start.

Some of those confessions are silly or rude or even downright offensive, but some of them are a way to test the waters, to make sure the OP isn’t alone. Look at the confessions where people talk about never having been kissed, about being a virgin, about a failed romantic experience, about fear of the future. I imagine they feel relieved when someone writes back, “You’re not alone,” or “This happened to me.” I know I would.

We always talk about how wonderfully supportive Brown is, but articles like these suggest otherwise. I agree that a college confessions site isn’t the best outlet for students to reveal their problems, but maybe the numbers posted helped. Maybe someone called Psych Services or the Suicide Hotline. Maybe they needed some encouragement, or maybe they messaged one of the people offering to talk. Sometimes it’s easier to open up to strangers.

So I ask you, what do you suggest instead?
TaxiOnna

This is incredibly insensitive. How does it matter if something is “Facebook appropriate” when this is a matter of extreme depression or mental illness? Perhaps this is the only way in which these people know how to connect to a feeling of community or support. Not only does your response reveal a total lack of knowledge on the matter, but it also makes you seem completely self-centered (which I doubt you actually are). For every person who reads this who has also posted something you describe… I can’t imagine how much more horrified and ashamed they are feeling right now. Hopefully they will scroll down to the comments to read some “inappropriate” messages of support on a public forum. Shame on you.
Another Brown ’13

I am continually astounded by our society’s ability to make other peoples’ very real problems about themselves. Might I suggest that if you are so bothered by peoples’ confessions that you exercise your right to not read the Brown University Confessions Page?
dr. silverman

well done. good points.
Brown ’99

even if i did agree with you, this is so poorly written that it’s a struggle to read
Adam

if you don’t like the kinds of posts on the page, then stop following it. It is absolutely baffling to me that you and the opinions editors thought this an opinion worth telling the world – this is probably the least significant or valid gripe I’ve heard since Hitler wanted more liebensraum
’14

Perhaps Facebook isn’t the appropriate forum for people struggling with mental illness to get helped. But this article came across as petty and whiny. Rather than criticizing people seeking support, why don’t you draw attention to the numerous resources on and off campus for which people can get help? Mental illness and eating disorders are all real problems, and you come across selfish here. You can’t deal with their problems? Imagine how they feel. They can’t deal with their problems.
TN

here is an easy way to escape your “burden”: stop following the page.
’16

A valid expression of personal opinion about the purpose of such sights that are springing up everywhere. Caitlin’s argument seems to be that the legitimacy of these issues and helplessness they invoke is precisely why Brown Confessions may not be the best avenue for them:

Some of these comments seem to be somewhat misinterpreting the intentions of this article, as far as I can understand she is not making a pity-fest of herself for ‘having to deal’ with these issues. The solution is not for her to ‘stop following the page’ as she is not making this a problem about herself, but commenting on whether this is an appropriate forum.
Questioning the author’s experience with mental illness is inappropriate. She is not condemning the search for help, but questioning whether this website is the right place to do it in. Indeed although it may be the first place in which to ‘test the waters’ which is something I would understand, I can imagine that those reading the post may indeed feel responsibility and fear.
I would call for closer reading of the argument before likening the writer to Hitler
’16

I agree that the Brown Confessions page isn’t what I thought it would be. I thought it would be a place for silly things, like “Sometimes I pick my nose” or “I like grape Jolly Ranchers” or other things that are publicly frowned upon. But it makes sense that those with mental illnesses might reach out through this page in desperation, as mental illness is possibly the most taboo/socially supressed subject in the U.S. There aren’t many anonymous forums for it, so Brown Confessions provided a convenient one.

It also makes sense that mentally ill people turn to this page because it’s anonymous. I know Brown Admirers is not anonymous to the BlogDH staffers who review the messages; even two or three people knowing of one’s mental illness could, unfortunately, drastically alter the nature of the relationship between them. (This doesn’t have to, and indeed shouldn’t, be the case — but as things are now, it is.)

Finally, the page is a designated anonymous forum kind of thing for confessions. I agree with you, Caitlin, that it’s unnerving to see such cries of desperation and to not really be able to do much about it besides write a long comment. I don’t think that Brown Confessions should cease to be. Like the other commenters said, ignore it if you don’t want to see it.
Get off your high horse

Posting faux-suicidal updates on that page is not a meaningful cry for help – it makes those who view feel liable should something occur, but provides them no avenue to actually assist. A more appropriate avenue would be psychological services. What do the posters really expect to gain from such a post?
Brown ’15

Hitler strikes again