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Diamonds and coal

Friday, November 19, 2004

A diamond to biology professor Ken Miller ’70 for defending evolution to the citizens of Cobb County, Ga., who appear to be stuck in Dayton, Tenn., circa 1925. But a sticker to creation science, because students should really be allowed to hear both sides of the contentious debate on the “theory.”

Speaking of the reality-based community, a diamond to local reporter Jim Taricani, who was found guilty Thursday of contempt for refusing to reveal a source for stories relating to the Plunder Dome scandal. We bet Buddy could have kept you out of prison – too bad your journalistic integrity helped put him there.

Coal to living under pyramids on the East Side – after all, some of our buildings were built by slaves. But a diamond to the Life Sciences Building, which resembles not pyramids but Legoland, which was built by Danes.

Coal to the Public Theater of New York City for stealing away Oskar Eustis, artistic director of the Trinity Repertory Company and professor of English. But a diamond to the theater’s service to New York, which will only be enhanced by the arrival of the greatest facial hair not to appear on Name That Beard.

A diamond to the 15,000 bunnies that took over the Convention Center this week for the American Rabbit Breeders Association National Convention. Another diamond to the poor soul who has to clean up after those wascally wabbits.

Ask President Ruth Simmons to tell you about the time she got stuck in a boat in the middle of a lake. Man, that story will be worth a thousand diamonds.

A cubic zirconium to Undergraduate Council of Students President Joel Payne ’05. By securing concessions for student groups from Brown First, he came through on one of his two major campaign promises. But “Mission 50 percent accomplished” just doesn’t have that presidential ring to it.

Diamonds to students who play poker on campus and run naked through the libraries. You’re what make Brown the 61st-best university in the world.

Ultimately, a diamond to penultimania.

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