A double-D diamond to Christi Andersen ’97 for designing specialty bras. We’re sure pre-professional students at Brown could use that kind of support and comfort – too bad the University has consolidated its pre-law advising.

Coal to Stanford’s Hoover Institution for appointing former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld as a senior fellow and member of its “terrorism and ideology” task force. It’s the closest thing to oil we can offer.

A cubic zirconium to the toy gun-toting subject who told Providence Police and DPS officers he had a firearm. That’s like saying that you’re getting a diamond – which you’re not.

A thankful diamond to the Army and Navy for resurrecting Providence’s very own Russian sub from the depths of the Providence River. With this week’s panel on the fifty-year legacy of Sputnik, maybe it would make more sense to call this column “Diamonds and Cold War.”

Sixteen diamonds – or rather, Cristal magnums – to Buxton International House to replace the empty bottles DPS discarded last Wednesday at 3:40 a.m. We’d give you coal, but with all that chain-smoking at late-night parties there’s enough fire to go around.

Diamonds – or rather ice – to the Brown Concert Agency for bringing RJD2 and a host of rap acts to this year’s fall concert series.

A cubic zirconium to the University’s new siren, whose MP3 sounds were sampled in The Herald’s office this week. We’re not sure if medium-pitched continuous sirens are better than the high-pitched repeating of traditional sirens, but we’re pretty sure UCS could spend a few weeks discussing it.

A diamond to UCS’ Corporation Liason Martin Bell ’10, who encouraged representatives to dress well and clean up for today’s Corporation meeting. If you’re looking that dapper, be careful – too shiny and they may not think you need that new dorm.

A thrown-down diamond to the College Hill ‘Dependent. You may take the week off, but The Herald never sleeps. We’ll see you on the kickball field tomorrow – prepare to face the tiny, powerful feet of our first-years. Two months in, and even they know not to negotiate with school-sponsored rags.