Before September, Randy Pausch '82 was relatively unknown outside of the computing world. Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University, was recognized as a ground-breaking researcher in the field of computer science, particularly for founding Alice, a program for animating 3-D objects.
In 2006, Pausch was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Despite tests that showed him to be free of cancer earlier in the summer, in August doctors told him that the disease had returned and was terminal. Pausch had perhaps three to six months to live.
In late September, in front of a full auditorium, Pausch delivered his last lecture at CMU, titled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams." His talk, however, had little to do with illness. Rather, for more than an hour, 400 of Pausch's students, colleagues and friends laughed, cried and applauded at a speech that was equal parts funny, inspiring and bitterly sad.
In the weeks since, footage of the lecture has been viewed more than a million times online, articles on the talk have appeared in newspapers across the country and Pausch has appeared on "Good Morning America," "CBS Evening News" and "Oprah," among other TV programs. Pausch's lecture, conceived more as a tribute to his own life than as an inspiration for others, has affected viewers worldwide with his message of hope in the face of death.
'I'm dying and I'm having fun.'
At 47, Pausch had already amassed a lifetime's worth of achievements. His work at CMU broke new ground in integrating science and art. Taking Pausch's popular class, "Building Virtual Worlds," "was the single greatest experience I had in my educational career," said one CMU alum in an interview with the Tartan, CMU's campus newspaper.
Pausch is also famous for developing Alice, a free, open-source program aimed at teaching computer animation programming through graphical storytelling.
"Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," however, focused on Pausch's quest to fulfill his personal - not professional - goals. As a child, Pausch had wanted to experience zero gravity, write an article in the World Book Encyclopedia, win giant stuffed animals at amusement parks and work as an Imagineer with the Walt Disney Company, he said in his speech. He told the audience that he had accomplished each of those goals. "I felt good about that," Pausch said. "So then the question becomes, how can I enable the childhood dreams of others?"
As a teenager, Pausch's parents had let him draw on his bedroom walls, he said. He showed slides of the results, including a spaceship, elevator and a roughly scrawled quadratic formula. "Anybody who is out there who is a parent - if your kids want to paint their bedroom, as a favor to me, let them do it," he told the audience. Oprah.com later published a video of families following the instructions.
"Focus on other people, not on yourself," Pausch encouraged his listeners. "Yesterday was my wife's birthday. If there was ever a time I might be entitled to have the focus on me, it might be the last lecture. But no." He motioned to a stagehand, who wheeled an oversized birthday cake onto the stage. The audience rose to sing as Pausch's wife Jai stood, teary-eyed, to blow out the candle.
"I don't know how to not have fun," Pausch said. "I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day I have left. Because there's no other way to play it."
From 'ultimate TA' to life-long teacher
Several times during the lecture, Pausch mentioned his friend and mentor Andy van Dam, a Brown professor of computer science who was present at the lecture and delivered its closing remarks.
"When I was a freshman at Brown, he was on leave. And all I heard about was this Andy Van Dam. He was like a mythical creature. Like a centaur, but like a really pissed-off centaur. And everybody was like really sad that he was gone, but kind of more relaxed. And I found out why, because I started working for Andy," Pausch said.
The two eventually developed a close friendship, and as graduation neared, van Dam advised Pausch to go into teaching. "I said, 'Why?'" Pausch told the crowd. "And he said, 'Because you're such a good salesman that any company that gets you is going to use you as a salesman. And you might as well be selling something worthwhile like education.' " Pausch paused, looked van Dam in the eye and said, "Thanks."
Van Dam joined the Brown faculty in 1965 after becoming the second person in the nation to receive a Ph.D. in computer science. Fourteen years later, he became a founding member of the Department of Computer Science at Brown and served as its first chair.
Van Dam told The Herald that attending the lecture "was the most powerful set of both positive and negative emotions that you could feel at the same time, because even though you were laughing, the subtext still is, 'Here's a guy who's making you laugh about his death.' "
"I'm planning to see him when he says, 'Now's the time,' " van Dam continued. "He's said he wants me to come spend the weekend with him, but not yet. I'm going to give him space."
Pausch continues to post updates on his health on a Web site maintained by CMU. "Things are going well," Pausch wrote last Wednesday, next to a photograph of his family in matching "The Incredibles" Halloween costumes. "I get chemotherapy once a week, and it has some side effects but has not been dramatically affecting my superpowers."
"He didn't want people to feel sorry for him. He wanted people to be doing what he's doing, which is treating life as an adventure," van Dam said.
Van Dam added that he's received dozens of letters and e-mails about the lecture.
"You don't know me, and until this evening I didn't know you," one e-mail read. "I've just finished watching Prof. Randy Pausch's farewell lecture. I wanted to say that it was one of the more emotional experiences of my life, Prof. Randy's part and yours. I've been through the latest intifada between Israel and the Palestinian Authority, as a soldier, reservist and civilian and have gone through a number of moving segments in my life. But this one truly did a number and (taught) me some important life lessons."
Pausch's lecture has also revived his memory among those who knew him at Brown.
Marc Brown '80 PhD '87 was the head teaching assistant for Pausch's first computer science class at Brown. .
"Every few years, there's just a kid that just stands out and is noticed by the TAs and by the professor," Brown said. "Randy was that person. ... Every (program) he wrote was a work of art."
Nicole Yankelovich '83 met Pausch the next year as a fellow teaching assistant. Yankelovich now works as a researcher at Sun Microsystems Laboratories in Burlington, Mass. "I always thought of him as being the ultimate TA," she said. "He was just so well-loved by students and so energetic."
The two have kept in touch through industry conferences and professional contacts. "Whenever I have a job opening, I always send him the listing, because he always has great students working with him," Yankelovich said.
A legacy of building bridges
After Pausch's lecture - and the two-minute standing ovation that followed - several speakers paid tribute to his life and legacy.
CMU President Jerry Cohon announced that a pedestrian footbridge connecting the school's center for computer science with its center for the arts will be named in honor of Pausch. "Randy, there'll be a generation of students and faculty to come here who will not know you, but they will cross that bridge, they will see your name and they'll ask those of us who did know you," Cohen said. "And we will tell them that unfortunately they were not able to experience the man, but they are surely experiencing the impact of the man. Randy, thank you for all that you've done for Carnegie Mellon. We're going to miss you."
Van Dam spoke last. He told Pausch, "You have more than fulfilled the terms of (the) Brown University charter, which are to discharge the offices of life with usefulness and reputation. Randy, you have been and you will continue to be a role model for us." His voice swelled with emotion. "Thank you so much for all you have done for us. And to allow us to tell you privately and in such a public way how much we admire, honor and indeed love you."
Pausch rose to hug van Dam, and the crowd burst into applause.
