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Diamonds and coal

By
Friday, February 22, 2008

Coal to all the political figures making appearances in Warwick this month. Sure, Wah-wick’s given us T.F. Green Airport, actor James Woods and former Sen. Lincoln Chafee ’75. But is Providence really that miserable?

A diamond to the lineup of speakers on campus this week. Unless you spoke in Warwick.

While we’re at it, a diamond to the Brown Concert Agency. But taking credit for bringing “more diversity to the Spring Weekend lineup?” We suppose nothing shouts diversity like five bands that only college kids listen to.

But coal to whomever was responsible for the fake Creed/Sugar Ray Spring Weekend poster we saw earlier this week. You got our hopes up.

A cubic zirconium to the equestrian team and UConn’s “funky horses.” You lost to UConn this weekend … but it was so funky!

Coal to design magazines that keep giving awards to the Friedman Study Center. Have you been there?

Charcoal to the M.E.A.T. Club. We’d give you a diamond, but with Deerfield and Milton ties and a Chevy Suburban, we figure you don’t need one.

A diamond to Dartmouth for overhauling its writing requirement, leaving Cornell as the only illiterate Ivy. Reader’s Digest says you may be safer than us, but we can read.

Diamonds and diamonds from the sky to the political science graduate student who forecasts weather. Or is that rain? Or is that snow? Why don’t you tell us, smart guy?

Cubic zirconium to Ryan Tarmenter, who stood on Thayer Street wearing a self-made shark costume Tuesday night. We thought it was cool. Until you told us you were 26.

And last of all, a really awkward diamond to the couple who awoke after an intimate night in a dorm lounge to find a professor and 20 students staring at them. Can’t you cuddle on the “flirtstones” in the Friedman Center like everyone else?

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