NBA is a fantastic acronym. All of the letters flow together and meld with each other. It almost always makes for a great phrase to boot — Non-Biting Attack-dog, New Bicycle Alert, Newly Betrothed Aunt. These are all great NBAs. But the National Basketball Association is by far the greatest of them.
If American sports were a group of datable young people in a movie, NFL would be the attractive airhead, MLB would be the wrinkly, abrasive chain-smoker, NHL would be the hot one who isn't actually hot to anyone because of the time he got too drunk and vomited into a radiator at a party and the NBA would be the friend that gets dressed up for homecoming and then everyone suddenly realizes how fine she is. (MLS is the shut-in with all of the turtles who watches the Home Shopping Network and reeks of cabbage.)
There's been a surge in the popularity of basketball in recent years, and people are starting to notice just how fun it is to watch. With all of the fantastic plot lines swirling around the league, there's never been a better time to be a fan. The NBA has taken off its proverbial paint-covered overalls and glasses. This is the year of basketball.
I remember promising myself, as I watched Kobe Bryant go 6-for-24 shooting in the most important game of his career and then still receive the MVP award, that I would never care about basketball ever again. I lasted until the following morning, when the video of an inebriated Ron Artest giving the funniest postgame conference of all time circulated around the Internet. How can I not love a league where a man like that can be a star?
But what does the NBA hold in store for us this season? The emergence of the young man that is going to save basketball? Carmelo Anthony in a Knicks jersey? A possible dynasty in Miami? A higher blood alcohol content for Artest?
The health of the aging Celtics
The Celtics are an old team. They were a bunch of old guys when they won the title in 2008, and adding 34-year-old Jermaine O'Neal and 38-year-old Shaq didn't exactly shake that stigma. But old or not, these guys all play with the intensity of rookies. It's the Celtics' fiery passion that allows them all to play at the level they do. Kevin Garnett brings the intensity and it spreads like wildfire to everyone else. While Rajon Rondo's outside shooting and team rebounding will be other issues to keep an eye on, the key for the Celtics will be the ability of these older men's bodies to keep up their intensity — that and the amount of arthritis medication that they keep on the sidelines. I think if the Celtics stay healthy, this team is one of the best in the Eastern Conference. The season opener with the Heat will be an interesting contest and a great game for newcomers to the NBA to watch. Speaking of the Heat…
The expectations on the Heat
Anyone who watched more than two minutes of SportsCenter this summer knows about LeBron James and his surprise signing with the Heat. Anyone who consoled a crying Cavaliers fan when the news broke knows what a devastating blow it was to Cleveland. But murdering sports in his home state was just the first step for James, who now shares a team with two other All-Stars. No team will be under heavier scrutiny and face more boos this season than the villainous Heat and their three-headed monster of James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. These guys know that they are expected to win a title, and it's going to be interesting to see how this team handles that pressure. Oh, and how long it takes before they realize Joel Anthony is a terrible center who can't rebound and plays spotty defense.
Carmelo Anthony slowly ruining the Nuggets
I was talking to a friend the other day who didn't know that free throws came after fouls in basketball. That same friend asked me the other day, "Why haven't the Denver Nuggets traded Carmelo Anthony yet?"
That's how public it is that Anthony is demanding a trade to New York. You see, this is a nightmare situation for the Nuggets. With the exception of the aging Chauncey Billups and the departed Allen Iverson, Anthony has been the lone superstar for the Nuggets his entire career.
As an incentive to keep him in a Nuggets jersey, his contract three years ago was structured so he could opt out of the contract at the end of this season and declare for free agency. The Knicks and Nets know that Anthony wants out of Denver and that the Nuggets will have to oblige him or risk getting nothing for him when he opts out. With this knowledge, they can offer Denver a "take it or leave it" kind of trade in which they only receive some non-impact players for their star forward.
As you can see, the Nuggets must choose between losing Anthony at the end of the season or losing him now and only getting some bad players for him. It's a terrible situation that is going to set this franchise back three or four years. So thanks from the Mile High City, Carmelo! Be sure to let everyone here know if you want your knife returned when they pull it out of their backs.
Things I would rather do than watch the probable finals matchup of Heat-Lakers
Walk on broken glass. Run my hand through a wood chipper. Watch a season of Two and a Half Men . Allow the New York Times to print the picture of me at my junior high prom. Take an applied math class. Hook up with Snooki. Fall down the SciLi elevator shaft. Take a punch to the face from Kimbo Slice. Clean the floors in the Bio-Med building with my tongue. Contract syphilis. Break a thermometer into my eyes. ... You get the point.
Check back next week for part two.
Sam Sheehan '12 went 6-24 on a test once and got a letter that wasn't an M, a V or a P. Talk sports with him at sam_sheehan@brown.edu
