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After Four Years, Now What? A Reflection On Existentialism, The Real World, and Soft Serve Ice Cream

These past four years at Brown have been the best four years of my life. But they've also come with their fair share of ups and downs. I remember feeling completely lost in my junior fall- I hadn't yet figured out what I was going to do with my life, "Existentialism" was my most uplifting class, the Ratty's soft serve machine was out of service... it just wasn't my week. This was unusual for me: one of the reasons why I love Brown so much is the intellectual curiosity that pervades the student body, and the happiness that should result from being able to take any class that piques our interest. Why, then, was I still struggling to figure out how my education was supposed to help me become a prepared adult by the end of 4 years?

Not to say the path over these four years hasn't been remarkable. We've seen a lot of extraordinary things, class of 2012. Our nation's first black president was elected in our freshman fall, the almost never-ending construction that has yielded state-of-the-art, beautiful new buildings, the legacy of a truly magnificent Brown President now coming to a close... and perhaps most meaningful of all to me, I've met many professors, faculty members, and a class of students whom I feel truly blessed to have known, whose accomplishments have continually amazed me, and have inspired me to push my own boundaries and be the best I could be... or at least try to.

As an Environmental Studies/Public Health concentrator, my studies have often focused on the world's biggest problems. To keep the optimistic vibe going here today, these include, but are not limited to: the destruction of resources, political conflicts, health inequalities... to spare you the details, it's pretty grim. It's said that ignorance is bliss, and that's certainly true when you don't think about all the problems our world is facing. I thought maybe my seminar on How To Change The World would give me the answers to tackle these issues, but, big surprise, it took more time than that. My time at Brown has been an exploration of cause and effect, of why people and the natural world function as they do, and how all of it can be improved to better our lives. The meaning of life, in other words. And yet, while I could tell you about how we're running out of room and food on the planet, and even some possible solutions that I've explored over these four years, I still couldn't figure out how to translate this into who I eventually wanted to become when my time at Brown is up, which is pretty much... now.

I hoped I would come to Brown with questions and leave with answers, but I've realized I am only left with more questions. Still, upon reflection, my academic life wasn't a total squandering of time- and many, many hours of sleep. The lessons I've learned in class and from my peers have left me with more quantitative and qualitative tools to see the world, and the knowledge that finding answers lies in open-mindedness, respecting different perspectives, and the willingness to learn more. Here, we learn how to understand what it is that we do not know- whether that be through testing in a lab or critiquing the works of Faulkner or figuring out how to best catch a ball. We learn to not just accept things as they are, but to explore ways to make things better, more efficient, more just.

Even if it challenges or frustrates us at times-or, as in my case, may leave us utterly depressed- our Brown education teaches us to think with more empathy and to keep from going through our lives as simply comfortable, ignorant, unconscious. It doesn't matter if you spent the majority of your time here dissecting the works of Marx, programming on a computer, or... doing whatever it is you math majors do- our education in how to research, to converse, to problem-solve, has given us the knowledge that we have a choice. We can accept things as they are, or we can choose to listen to others and perceive the world around us, to be more aware, to fight for what we believe in, to keep hope alive. To not accept that life must be a chore, unfair, automatic, even when the stakes are against you.

It's not easy to remember this when you think about the bleak news reports and issues humanity is facing, and I'm no stranger to that feeling of hopelessness, when most of my classes concluded with, "well, maybe some day the moon will be habitable." But it's true that the future is not fixed. It's fluid, and much responsibility lies in the hands of our generation. My classes may have often left me more challenged by our future, but I am also an optimist, someone who wants to know and keep trying, even if the truth will sadden and infuriate me. I believe this is a trait that Brown students share- we will not settle for simply what we are given or told, but seek truth, beauty, and a world in which future generations will be able to live as well as or better than we have. We must remain committed to learning, and doing what we love with integrity; otherwise there will be no forward progress.

I'm not going to lie- I feel terrified to leave Brown. I'll miss the atmosphere on this campus that, just by walking across the green or sitting in the seats of Sayles, evokes a craving for erudition... and of course the Ratty's ice cream, most of all. But I'm also excited, excited because I realize that learning doesn't stop here. College is supposed to kick-start our thirst for knowledge by doing and collaborating, for our life-long experimentation to understand why things work the way they do. Don't be afraid to fail, because every once in a while you don't: that's not only how you gain knowledge, but how you gain wisdom. Or so I'm told- I'm only 22.

With so many awe-inspiring classmates and faculty members around me at what I believe is the greatest University on Earth, it was so hard for me to see how I fit in, how I even compared to these amazing people and this legacy. But through my time here and a good amount of reflection (or procrastination, some would say) around the green and corners of campus, I've found that the best way we can better ourselves is to always be interested in the things others do, to never stop being thirsty to learn more and relate more to the world around you. That way, you learn more about yourself and why you might be here, in this very moment. I look around and feel that now as I stand here with you, and stand in wonder that we have all been so lucky that life has just turned out this way. I implore you, as you leave these ivy-adorned buildings and shining faces, to keep going through life in that same wonder and passion, so that you show it to others and never lose sight yourself of how quickly it could have gone a different way.

That existentialism class of mine turned out to actually be one of my more uplifting classes in the end, believe it or not. I particularly enjoyed learning about Nietzsche's view on happiness, and because it is so easy to understand Nietzsche's theories, I'll try to explain it as best as I can. Nietzsche says that happiness is not found simply in contentment and the absence of suffering, because that will breed boredom and lack of forward progress, but that happiness comes as a side effect of the "will to power". In Nietzsche speak, the will to power is a person's desire to engage and be creative in pursuit of a challenge, of striving for something that resists achievement, because when we do overcome adversity, our accomplishment is that much sweeter and more precious, because we know there are times when we have failed. In other words, a life of challenge and reward trumps one of blissful ignorance, even when it's bittersweet. We must come to learn that we are imperfect beings, but have the capacity to learn and grow into better ones if we explore our possibilities and make the most of what the world has to offer us in our fleeting time here. Happiness will come as we live a meaningful, inquisitive life in which we take nothing for granted, try to see the beauty in all things, and continue to proactively challenge our views by learning more about
why they are the way they are. I've certainly begun to see that during my time at Brown, and I believe that's what our Brown education ultimately strives to teach us. We can all choose to live in a sort of story in which we are the hero, tragic as well as successful at different times, in which meaning is sought through exploration of all the things the world has to offer- except it's better than a story, because it is reality, and for us, the class of 2012, it starts today.


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