For centuries and millennia of American and world history, women were commanded by constructs of patriarchy and concepts of femininity that were as oppressive as they were built on bullshit. In the 19th century, the tide began to turn as feminists asserted the belief, long held, that the content of their lives should no longer be constrained by the contours of their bodies. That assertion, that women should no longer be controlled by patriarchy and the gender roles it imposed upon them, began a social revolution that will continue to resonate for hundreds of years.
But there's a flip-side to patriarchy, a flip-side that I think too few have noticed. Men, in their historic - and, to a slightly lesser extent, current - control of the world, did not only help establish an ideal of femininity that was used to control women. They also established an ideal of masculinity for themselves, an ideal that continues to command men as much as a notion femininity continues to control women. And therein lies the problem. That concept of masculinity commands us men in a way that isn't altogether good, and I think we need to start talking about it.
Let's begin with work. Today, the argument that women are meant to be homemakers and men breadwinners, is one that rarely reaches the American political mainstream, and for good reason. But in the average marriage, "Women still spend twice as much time with kids as the men," according to a recent New York Times Magazine column, despite our society's ostensible commitment to gender equality. In other words, the expectation that in marriage the woman cares for the children while the man works, is still alive and well. And, just like there is an unexamined flip-side to patriarchy, so is there a flip-side to the manifestations of patriarchy. Just as women shouldn't be expected to be homemakers, men shouldn't be expected to be breadwinners. In modern America, we men are still expected to be exactly that. Have you ever heard a college-aged male say that he might become a house-husband one day? I don't think I ever have.
Why is it that women enroll in notoriously lower-paying majors like English and liberal arts at considerably higher rates than their male counterparts? I don't think it's because women have some propensity toward these fields. Why is it that the most well-paying college majors also happen to be majors primarily chosen by men? I don't think this is because we men are somehow designed to work in these areas.
Not one of these things can be completely chalked up to "natural" differences between men and women. No, these characteristics are socially inherited, a result of the limiting and burdensome expectation that we men become the primary earners for our future families.
Next, let's talk about power. I doubt that anyone reading this article should need much convincing to acknowledge that hegemonic masculinity includes an assumption that men are power-hungry. Conventionally, masculine men may drink alcohol profusely, sleep with countless women or seek physical confrontation all as ways of demonstrating their strength and dominance. We've all met guys who do these things out of a desire to indicate their manliness and power. Now, there are a substantial amount of men who enjoy this expectation and the things it compels them to do, but there are some obvious problems. In a general way, it marginalizes the men among us who reject the need to demonstrate power, those who dislike violence and eschew aggressive competition.
And, more specifically, this expectation drives us away from ever revealing our own lack of total control. We tend away from showing emotions - like fear and sadness - that might betray weakness or inferiority and tend toward showing emotions - like pride, anger and jealousy - that communicate power and competency.
I think one would be hard-pressed to prove that such a focus on power is a complete result of some natural male trait. Even if it were, one would be even more hard-pressed to show that such a focus was worth keeping.
Most of us men don't spend a lot of time thinking about the limitations of our gender. We want well-paying careers for reasons that feel completely unrelated to our male identity, and we share emotions without always considering the gendered qualities of those feelings. But, as I've tried to show, these areas, each of which is essential to natural human flourishing, are heavily influenced by the expectations built into our masculinity. Once we realize that fact, we might simultaneously realize a new era of self-determination, one where our loves and our passions, not the limits of patriarchy, are more fully capable of guiding our lives.
Kevin Carty '15 is a political science concentrator from Washington, D.C. He would love to hear any responses and can be reached at kevin_carty@brown.edu.
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