Post- Magazine





“Is it called Foot Locker because shoes are feet locks?”

“If I’m in a house that’s on fire, I’m already butt-ass naked.”

Top 10 Pre-s

  1. Fresh Fruit (duh)

  2. -lude to the Afternoon of a Faun

  3. The kind with alcohol

  4. Star Wars I-III

  5. Mature babies

  6. Marital sex

  7. Cum

  8. -gnant

  9. -nup

  10. -sents!!

Hot post- time machine

“Bite into Fresh Fruit!”

—Fresh Fruit First Editorial Board, “Editor’s Note” 2.15.73

“post- will concern itself with coverage of the art forms that shape our culture, the personalities that define our popular taste, and the issues that demand discussion”

—post- First Editorial Board, “Editor’s Note” 2.04.00



“Is it called a grandfather clock because it looks like he’s swinging his penis?”

“I’m an avid not-doer. I hate doing shit so much.”

Top 10 Places that should be Sound Towns

  1. Santa Claus, IN
  2. The Bermuda Triangle
  3. Six Flags Great Adventure
  4. Pound Town
  5. My room
  6. Your room ;)
  7. Bikini Bottom
  8. Providence, RI
  9. Whoville
  10.  Cupertino, CA (this is a call to action for Apple Music for next year, xo)

Hot post- time machine

“Perhaps building a home means, instead, freely giving pieces of ourselves away, leaving them in the unexpected corners of the world. And maybe we cannot ever truly build homes anyway. Only places we call home.”

—Kaitlan Bui, “In the Places We Once Called Home 12.3.21

“On nights I’m feeling particularly sentimental, it feels cruel that the conventional life path is set up this way: carefully knitting ourselves into the fabric of a place, only to be asked after a set amount to extricate ourselves and start again.”

—Siena Capone, “Anyway, Don’t Be a Stranger” 12.2.2022



“I could probably euthanize you tonight, if you wanted. I have a lot of drugs.”

“He’s my boyfriend AND he’s a Yu-Gi-Oh champion.”

Top 10 Thanksgiving Dinner Conversation Topics

  1. Your post-grad plans
  2. Hamilton Roblox Simulator
  3. Roe v. Wade 
  4. Physician-assisted suicide
  5. Your new piercing
  6. Your aunt’s ex-husband
  7. Switching from pre-med to Medieval Studies
  8. Your favorite class, Pornography
  9. Telltale signs of a failing marriage
  10. Lil Nas X 

Hot post- time machine

“Green thumbs are not green but a dark, sunkissed shade of brown, speckled lovingly with sunspots and creased deeply and irreversibly with age.”

—Audrey Wijono, “King of Fruit” 11.18.22

“The reality of life—as distressing and unsettling as it may be—is that very little happens for a reason. There is no irrepressible plan or automatic response, as we observe in biological processes. There are often events for which we can find no justification, no sanity or sense. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.”

—Zoe Creane, “Facing Death” 11.19.21



“He literally is different. He is circumcised.” 

“My biggest regret is that I’ve never been a sea urchin.” 

Top 10 Reasons Why CAB Crashed during PreReg

  1. Mice chewed the wires
  2. Stopped to take its BeReal
  3. Senior Prank
  4. Couldn’t do its Shibboleth verification 
  5. Cracked under pressure
  6. Lied on its resume
  7. Midterm season burnout
  8. Got shy >.<
  9. Mom forgot to remind it
  10. Set alarm for 12am instead of 12pm

Hot post- time machine

“I can recall the way my life began only through stories I’ve been told. I have the facts, but have to infer the emotions. Where does a story reside when its physical proof and its memory are separated and can never coexist?”

—Marin Warshay, “Woven into the Seams” 11.4.22

“Waveless, windless, starless night. The loon shatters that dark-nothing, adding more breath until its yodel falls into vast looping echoes, painting textures and distances on the black canvas before me. 

—Isaac Eng, “On Loon Time” 11.5.21



“I always wanted to be colorblind as a kid so I couldn’t be drafted.”

“I bet pacifier cigarettes would really calm a baby down.”

Top 10 Beans

  1. Smol ??
  2. Vanilla
  3. Vegetarian Refried
  4. Clitoria (butterfly pea)
  5. Chilling
  6. Jelly
  7. -ie BABIES
  8. The big reflective one in Chicago
  9. …there, done that 
  10. Cannellini

Hot post- Time Machine

“I am but a freckle on a leaf, burdened to evergreen beneath the flaming sun. Freckle in the face of life, power in the face of oblivion. I don’t know why I am or, rather, why I keep trying to be.”

—Nélari Figueroa-Torres, “Raising Monarchs” 10.28.22

“Then, when we made acquaintance with the art that materialized before us, that beckoned us into the mysterious basement halls and seated us next to strangers, we lacked any other excuse for meeting, we became adamant about the community of seeing.”

— Madeline Canfield, “The Art of Reopening” 10.29.21



“An umbrella is also the optimal weapon.”

“I'm rewatching this lecture capture for a lecture I attended. I be nodding so often it’s kinda embarrassing, especially at 2x speed.”

Hot post- time machine

“Whenever someone learns my name, they make it sound smoother than it really is. Like turning a square into a circle, cutting away all the edges. It had too many of them anyway.”

—Magdalena del Valle, “A Name with Room to Grow: Part Two” 10.22.21

“Maybe, when we grow up, it’s not so much that we learn who we are, but that we learn that we have never had any idea who we were in the first place. Is this all I am, all I ever was? A person who worries a lot?”

—Liza Kolbasov, “To Hold in My Hands” 10.21.22

Top 10 Scary Sentences

  1. Death
  2. Run-on
  3. “Where my hug at?”
  4. Boo!
  5. “We need to talk”
  6. (Over Instagram DM) Hey girlie!
  7. Your instructor has released grade changes and new comments for Midterm Exam. 
  8. “We should get coffee”
  9. “Do you want the good news or bad news first”
  10. Red rum (read it backwards)



“If you don’t have what it takes to be a stripper, you don’t have what it takes to be in investment banking.”

“I don’t use mechanical pencils; they’re for people who are out of touch with nature.”

Hot post- time machine

“As I held on to the hug, all the colors and words and shapes and sounds of that moment held on to me with a symphony of voices that sounded like “you are here you are here you are here.” I am here, gladly.”

—Joyce Gao, “Detaching From Detachment” 10.14.22

“Through warm cinnamony conversations, we unravel layers of ourselves. In the middle of the crowd, I speak and listen myself into existence.  A seemingly de-individualized coffee chain becomes, for a moment, a world all our own.”

—Liza Kolbasov, “Coffee for Here” 10.15.21

Top 10 10s

  1. Top 10s 
  2. Things I Hate About You
  3. One Tea House
  4. You ;)
  5.  -nis 
  6. Commandments 
  7. Amendments to the Constitution (aka the Bill of Rights)
  8. Ben
  9. October 10, 1010 (10/10/10)
  10. -nessee (cuz ur the only 10 i seeeeeeeeee)



“I don’t know if there’s any good time to say this, but I’m allergic to milk.”

“I’ve been to Albany, NY and London, England, and Albany is better.” 

Hot post- time machine

“I wish I had all of their memoirs. But since I don’t, I cut out space in my personal history for these unknown ones and fill it with imaginary women: women who loved. Who stayed. Who left. Who saved themselves, so I could be here, writing them down.”

—Siena Capone, “How I Read Your Mother” 10.08.21

“Because language is the only thing that has never felt like a waste of time. So you will leap into the ocean—or you will let yourself fall—over and over again, and in the end you will write about it all. You will warp your words, like Pygmalion does his clay, until you convince yourself that your creation is as good as the real thing.” 

—Emily Tom, “From Here, You Can See Everything” 10.07.22

Top 10 Joes

  1. Maffa ;)
  2. MAMA
  3. Sleepy
  4. Sloppy
  5. Trader!
  6. Carberry (of psychoceramic fame)
  7. Cuppa 
  8. -Jo Siwa
  9. Alwyn (someone pls check on him)
  10. Jesus’s step-dad 



“If it wasn’t for QuestBridge I’d be here on a D1 scholarship for instigating.”

“Unabomber? I barely even know her.”

Hot post- time machine

“Somehow, we collide at these exact moments, in these exact ways. Whether or not we’ve met before, somehow we spark an iteration of love. Isn’t that a beautiful idea, that we’re all in love with little bits of each other?”

—Kaitlan Bui, “Head Over Heels” 10.01.21

“I am home, perched in a rusted wooden chair with scars of use across it. Tomorrow’s homework is sprawled on my floor. I am home, yet the isolation strengthens. The house I’ve grown in feels just as far away as the lands I originated from.”

— Laura Tamayo, “Exile” 09.30.22

Top 10  Leaf-s

  1. Japanese Maple 
  2. Without saying goodbye
  3. Tea
  4. The ones of grass by Walt Whitman
  5. Kkaennip
  6. Catnip
  7. …a message after the beep
  8. through a book
  9. Eucalyptus (but specifically if u are a koala)
  10. Blower



“I have a thing for females with their nipples out, I feel like it’s an accessory.”

“I think being a hater has protected my peace” 

Hot post- time machine
Everything inside you beats: the thunderclap of your heart, the shuddering of your breath, the quivering of your stomach. It all beats. Like wings. Like things longing for freedom, longing for escape from this prison of flesh, blood, and skin that you call your body.”

—Daniel Hu, “A Glossary of Terms for ” 9.23.22

“We think of spring as beautiful, watching the earth as it slowly reawakens from its hibernation and retains its summertime vibrancy. We don’t consider how painful this transition could be; we expect beauty to simply bloom at the snap of a finger.”

—Ellyse Givens “Changing My Seasons” 9.24.21

Top 10 Things You Say You’ll Do This Semester But Definitely Won’t Get Around To 

  1. Intramural volleyball
  2. Write the entire syllabus for an independent study you and your friends are always talking about putting together
  3. Readings
  4. Joining the niche club your acquaintance is running, thanklessly, once again this year
  5. Get dinner with that one friend you make small talk with
  6. Go to the Nelson (consistently)
  7. Read Today@Brown
  8. Get your nose pierced
  9. Drastically change your wardrobe (finally start dressin’)
  10. Eat the correct number of vegetables per day (at least 2)

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