Many stumble upon their words when trying to decipher the origin of our beloved April Fools’ Day. Was it the saints in their splendor? Or God Himself, who blessed us with the most splendid day of the year? Who can I thank for this radical and majestic holiday? One so rooted in selfish satisfaction and perpetration of crimes? And among all of these questions, an even more pertinent one arises: Which prank to perform?

When plagued by this dreadful indecision, I hastily turn to Googled lists written by random women on the internet who dream of a voyeur. And so I offer up my most humble recommendations, the best pranks to do today, or truly any day. (Fools are among us every day, not just on the radiant first of April.)

1. The artfully-crafted replacement is an endearing and classic prank. Thinly-rolled sheets of Play-Doh as gum, chocolate-coated brussels sprouts as cake pops, any one thing as another—cleverly disguised. I’ve found that this works well on people with large appetites who lack a skeptic’s spirit, those who can laugh it off. This one works well on giggly dads, such as my own.
2. My sister’s favorite type of prank is thievery. She likes to steal shoes and books and anything that I love and she doesn’t. Though we live sixteen hours apart, I still have a sneaking suspicion that she will be coming to my room in the night to rob me of my valuables. To stay safe, I added alarms to my beloved goods: my Abraham Lincoln bust, my fish dress, my husband Andrew Garfield, my roommate, and our collective pet lemur.
3. Another vital option can be found in the overflow of your closet. Wear a costume or a wig or both, and pretend that you’ve always been this way, this contorted version of yourself. I like pink. I like bangs. I like mohawks (on other, more scholarly people), and I like a close-to-the-head neon orange shave on Lena Dunham most of all.
4. JUMP SCARES!
5. Time travel rocks. This is the sort of prank that you perform on the world, not just on one soul. Change your attire, your hair, your shoes, your voice, and say that you’re from some other time, some other place. You’ve gotta turn on the acting chops for this one, or else it’s just weird. No one wants to be just flat-out weird.
6. The invisibility prank is the cruelest of them all. You really do have to pick the right person, or else there could be repercussions: yelling, crying, kissing, gnashing of teeth, the works. Don’t feel too bad if this makes someone cry. It’s just that sort of joke. 
7. Turn into a frog when kissed.
8. I’ve saved the best for last: My favorite prank is a lie because a lie is perfect in each and every way. It requires no expenses, just genuine work ethic and an inclination towards pizzazz. I discovered this one when my best friend pretended she was moving to Germany to go to an intensive phone-free school where she would be studying Impressionist painting and ventriloquism in tandem. I knew she was lying but didn’t want her to feel bad about her acting skills (we went to an arts middle school), so I too told a lie and said I believed her wholeheartedly. I cried fake tears just to be sure she believed me. Now that I’m an adult, my favorite lie to tell is that I was an intern for the FBI. When telling a lie, it’s all about embedding little fragments of truth (I once was an intern, and I’ve watched all of Criminal Minds), which is an invaluable skill I learned when I was an intern with the FBI.