A light dusting of coal to the Blizzard of '05, which delayed flights worldwide but fell short of expectations and the Blizzard of '78 record. We already have better SATs than our parents, but we fear that with so-called "global warming," we'll never beat their Snow Accumulation Totals.
Diamond to ViaVia IV for staying open for "business" during the first night of the blizzard, and to Antonio's, Tealuxe, Store 24 and everyone else who valiantly earned their profits last weekend feeding our slushy, starving selves.
A nutritional coal to subsisting on pizza, pasta and peanut butter, though.
Cubic zirconium to the 16,800 aspirants to the class of 2009. We love that your blood, sweat and personal statement sob stories will raise Brown's selectivity and our U.S. News ranking, but the fact that the class of 2006 was the least selective in the last decade has us looking over our shoulders - a lot.
Diamond to the Proofpoint spam filter. A torrent of tiny, annoying coal pebbles to fetish porn, that smug jerk who has a Rolex, and the fact that the entire campus doesn't have the filter yet. ... A tiny, guilty diamond to our friends at Cheating Housewife Services.
To the creators and promoters of the Georgia textbook sticker: a lump of coal. If you keep it in the same place you've been keeping your heads since the Enlightenment, maybe it will evolve into a diamond.
A diamond to one Oklahoma legislator's crusade to revive cockfighting with boxing gloves and snappy electronic vests for the roosters. We're all for laser tag Perdue-style.
Diamond to circling the block with a roll of quarters.
Diamond to Chris Gomez '05. We're thrilled to push another good man into the seedy world of pro athletics, and not only because we'd like an excuse to support the sad, slumping state of American professional soccer.
