In my last column, I mentioned that my door lock could easily be picked with a wire hanger. Soon after, employees from Facilities Management inspected my door and have subsequently ordered all doors in my dorm (and, I've been told, in five other dorms on Wriston) to be examined and, if necessary, replaced. I mention this story for two reasons: First, to acknowledge that, even though it was not my desire to implicate Facilities Management or the Office of Residential Life for being negligent in my last article, they certainly showed that they quickly address any safety issues; and second, to explain why I've since lost all of my best friends.
At 9 a.m. the next morning, Facilities Management began examining the doors and drilling to remove faulty ones (i.e., all of them), which meant that, even though they were being very polite and trying to be as quiet as possible, most of my friends were awakened as a result. This has now happened on four different occasions and, besides the wake-ups, four friends have gotten locked out of their rooms since they can no longer break in. Basically, my friends now hate me.
To my chagrin, almost immediately after the first 9 a.m. wake up call, the "We hate Adam Nelson" Facebook group appeared. This group is not for people who just generally dislike me - although I imagine there are many - but for those who were my friends but were pestered because of my previous column. The interesting thing is not the content of the group, but instead the speed with which it was created. The whole situation made me wonder, "Where would we be without Thefacebook?"
It was a year ago that Thefacebook.com first showed up at Brown. First you had just 10 friends and would check it once a week, but eventually it became a 10-time-a-day obsession trying to decide whether that guy to whom you once gave a pencil in your physics class is worthy to become your 567th friend. Now it means difficult decisions like which Jose from the Ratty you would like to support with your group preference and whether or not you should join the "Brown Students from New York City" group if you're from Long Island. It means poking, even though you don't quite know what that is or what it does.
But with all of those procrastination-enablers aside, Thefacebook does offer a very useful arena for Brown students to recognize each other. There was a time when Brown students would have to look through the first-year class album to locate people they knew, hooked up with, thought were attractive or stalked. This system not only took too long, but risked the dejection of finding the person you were looking for with only a bear above his or her name. As a result of Thefacebook, the entire campus' self esteem has gone up because most everyone chooses to make themselves look cooler and more attractive in their photo, so that everyone can be happier - about people they hooked up/are going out/are friends with, and about themselves.
Of course, the rising star of Thefacebook almost immediately created a counterculture. For when many people find one thing fun and cool, there will inevitably be a group who deem it "uncool" and decide not to participate. They look down their noses at members of Thefacebook.
But I urge those nay-sayers to give Thefacebook a try - not because it's cool and not because you necessarily need any other way to procrastinate, but because it makes it that much easier to find people at Brown and to enable people to find you. It's like cell phones; sure, people got along fine before cell phones came around, but they just make life easier. And eventually, you'll find that Thefacebook makes life more fun; just like when you first got your cell phone for "emergencies only" and then found yourself three months later text-messaging in class like a maniac. So resisters, stop resisting, and give yourself the chance to become "friends" with people from your middle school whom you'd hoped you'd never see again ... you'll be glad you did.
Adam Nelson '06 dedicates this column to people he has known, hooked up with, thought were attractive or stalked.
