You know what I hate? (Open parentheses that don't close.
I hate question headlines, such as when CNN cuts to a commercial with: "Next we'll find out: Will your children ever be safe again?"
I hate it when students start things because, deep down, they want to be in charge of something.
And I hate it when militant vegans wear leather shoes.
I hate it when people use "hate" too often. Seriously. Listing pet peeves is cathartic, and "hate" is just a euphemism here. But truly hating a lot of things is just not necessary.
I hate it when people use the handwriting-style font Comic Sans MS in an attempt to be whimsical.
And I hate it when you drop apricot preserves into your keyboard. Squirting a lot of Windex into it doesn't help, just in case you were wondering.
I hate it when professors ask a really easy question, and no one says anything because no one wants be the person who answers easy questions. I hate it when someone answers the easy question. I also hate it when I have to raise my hand and be the person who answers easy questions because no one else will. But I like to think that the awkward silence teaches the professor the error of his or her ways.
I hate it when quotes are used by so-called "columnists" to take cheap shots. If you have to resort to putting someone's opinion in quote marks to deride it, do more research.
And I hate not being invited to the flash mob.
I hate flawed metaphors. I hate the way people cow to their logic because it's a metaphor. Hmm, democracy falling like dominoes. That makes sense.
I hate it when people are rude to student workers.
And I hate that there isn't a third end I can burn the candle at. If I get any busier, I'll be forced to construct my candle in Hilbert space.
I hate the words "more than before" and "increasingly" in a column. Yes, there are more poor people than 5 years ago. There are also more people. Don't insult our intelligence.
I hate that we're taught to fill up pages with critical analysis, but we're never taught brevity.
And I hate composition books. No big reason. They're just kind of annoying.
I hate that so many great artists of all flavors can't get money to support their art.
I hate it when people think homosexuality is a choice.
And I hate conversation in AIM speak. j/k. lol.
I hate Georgia-Pacific semi-automatic towel dispensers and the people who don't know how to use them. You pull down with both hands. It's not hard.
I hate clear bra straps. Because they're not clear. And they're not the good kind of shiny either. They're the bad kind of shiny.
And I hate it when people complain and complain and complain and don't do anything about it.
I hate it when people reply to a sympathetic "I'm sorry" with "It's not YOUR fault."
I hate stories that end "Well, you had to be there."
I hate people who are vampires.
I hate that "How are you?" and "What's up?" have become rhetorical salutations.
I hate name-dropping.
I hate that college administrations respond to reasonable requests with a run-around because it'll go away in a few years. I hate that it works so damn well.
I hate it when people don't push in their Ratty tray.
And I hate how few beer pong players would know the capital of Lebanon.
I hate motion sensor toilets. Either they flush while I'm sitting down or they don't flush at all and to get them to flush I have to do the motion sensor toilet dance.
I hate walking to the bathroom in socks and discovering that the floor is wet.
And I hate when the voices only talk to me.
I hate half-screwed tops on orange juice cartons. The cap seems to be on, and everything appears safe for some shaking. Alas, no. Can you hand me a napkin?
I hate getting hit in the eye by errant goggles.
And I hate it when students start packing up their stuff two minutes before class is -
Andrew K. Stein '06 also knows several knock-knock jokes.
