LONDON - You don't know me, but I have recently begun a four-month course of study in your fabulous country and I would like to ask you if I might be able to stay ... permanently.
Now, I know that your priority is with your loyal subjects, the citizens of Great Britain, but I would like to outline for you just a couple of the reasons why someone like me would think that emmigration was right for him. I know that once you hear about how I came to this decision, you'll welcome me into your country with open arms.
First, I would like to point out the simple fact that if the weather back in the United States continues to act the way it has for the past month, then I can't imagine that there will be much of a country to return to. Now, since arriving I've become quite used to not ever being able to see the sun, and to the occasional spot of rain, but chances are that most of the southern portion of my country will probably be engulfed in toxic water by the time December rolls around. As your Majesty is well aware, chemical spills certainly take their toll on one's complexion, and, let's face it, the American government isn't doing much to help, are they? No, from what I can see on the BBC, President George W. Bush is doing a swell job of doing everything wrong in the twin wakes of Katrina and Rita, especially when it comes to the environmental reforms needed to aid the rehabilitation of the Mississippi Delta, Louisiana's natural hurricane barrier and with regards to everyone's favorite geological crisis, global warming.
I will say this, though. Bush should be congratulated for at least trying to help the country economically and environmentally by urging everyone back home to begin conserving as much fuel as possible. It's just too bad that he never stopped to think that raising emission standards for automobiles and allocating more money for research and development of cleaner and renewable sources of energy in his new energy bill might be an even better way to help the gas crisis back home. No, he just dropped the ball on that one there too, something I'm sure that Kyoto-backing Prime Minister Tony Blair would never do.
And that's what I'm talking about. You see, the U.S. government has proven to me time and again that it only cares about getting itself re-elected. And I mean, sure, the United Kingdom has its downsides too. For one thing, I'll still be in a country that supports the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq (it seems that Blair and Bush are an even stronger pair than Ant and Dec), and your current term at the helm of the European Union is being sullied by the drama surrounding the beginning of talks with Turkey to become a member, since many of your allies in the Union have some major concerns with them. Oh, and I know that bangers and mash is still a meal with a lot left to be desired, and you've got more Pizza Huts here in London than we do in all of New England, but I think this might still be a mighty fine place for one to settle down in. So let me know what you decide, and hopefully I'll be able to wave that union jack loud and proud along with the rest of you football-loving, Guinness-drinking, can't-live-without-reality-TV Britons.
Sincerely Yours,Adrian Muniz
P.S. I see that Prince Harry is still single. Is there any chance that you might be able to arrange a meeting of sorts? Just wondering.
Adrian Muniz '07 recently spotted Jude Law and promptly fainted.
