Nearly a week ago, as I watched footage of Bono playing schoolmates with George W. Bush over lunch, it hit me - the Apocalypse is coming. That's right, folks, better grab your tickets. A recent series of events has led me to conclude that the end of the world is nigh.
I'm not Nostradamus here, but I can read the writing on the wall. If you're not convinced that the rapture is on its way, maybe a little review of recent events will jog your memory.
The extensive laundry list of recent natural disasters is only part of the story. In fact, those are nothing new. Hurricanes Katriana, Rita and Wilma (the strongest Atlantic hurricane ever on record, by the way), the Pakistan quake, avian flu and the New England floods, are simply the appetizers, soup du jour, fruit plate and salad (respectively) but by no means are they the scariest or most unusual things to happen in the last couple months. For a real prophetic vision, and to continue with my metaphor, let's get to the entrees.
To begin, about two weeks after Katrina ravaged New Orleans, our president not only did something he's not only never done before, but something that is so unlike him that to see him do it should make us scared, not joyful: He apologized and took responsibility for the actions of the entire federal government. While he was at it, Bush told U.S. citizens to conserve fuel. Does he know something we don't? Maybe Bush is trying to win some extra brownie points with God.
If that's not scary enough, another unheard-of event took place lately that should make any good citizen quake in his or her boots. After nominating Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Sen. Mark Pryor, D-Ark., gave her the thumbs-up, while Senator and ultra-conservative foot soldier Sam Brownback, R-Kan., threatened a no vote. Wow, the last time Bush faced a rebellion this serious was when his daughters snuck out to their first party.
Meanwhile, Paul Wolfowitz, former Iraq War hawk turned World Bank prez, had nothing but soft, conciliatory words and friendly gestures for China after a recent visit. Let me say that again. Meanwhile, Paul Wolfowitz, former Iraq War hawk turned World Bank prez, had nothing but soft, conciliatory words and friendly gestures for China after a recent visit.
The sports world is filled with omens as well. The White Sox are in the World Series after the longest gap between Series appearances in baseball history. This, oneyear after the Red Sox broke their own curse, winning the World series and breaking their "100-year curse" after only 86 years. Coincidence? I think not. As if the stars weren't aligned enough already, consider this: The White Sox last won the World Series in 1917. Who won the year before? The Boston Red Sox.
In other news, in a recent hurricane-related incident, a number of dolphins fitted with toxic darts and trained to take aim at wet-suited interlopers were released from their holding pools by the flooding of the city of New Orleans in August. I really think this story speaks for itself.
In Hollywood the trumpets of judgement day were blown when production was announced for Sylvester Stallone's "Rocky VI," perhaps the most telling of all the recent signs. After all, ancient prophecy states that opening the seventh "Rocky" movie will bring about the end of the world, leaving only one Rocky movie remaining after this latest announcement ... or was it the seventh seal?
Jacob Izenberg '08 faces the future without flinching.
