Coal to the blatant disregard of activities fair etiquette. Between the blaring techno music and incessant kazoo playing, it's a wonder we could hear the questions of eager first-years.
A cubic zirconium to sanctions brought against the Queer Alliance. Though we're grateful to RISD for taking in our homeless sex parties, it's going to be a long walk of shame up College Hill.
Coal to Lynne Cheney and the F given to Brown's Core Curriculum. We'd be concerned, but we know it's not showing up on our external transcript.
A sparkling clean diamond to Yale for finally providing soap in its residence halls. Those Yalies are certainly going to need it after getting down and dirty at Sex Week.
Speaking of university-sponsored sex, a diamond to Carnegie Mellon for its creative use of student activities funds. We just feel bad for the students that had to clean up afterwards - squashed Dippin' Dots sure can get sticky.
A diamond to Susan Alcock and her goal of making the new Institute for Archaeology and the Ancient World "as big an octopus" as she can. While admirable, we're not exactly sure how a tentacled, ink-squirting marine mollusk will help students learn about the classical world.
A diamond to Eric Chaika, owner of the Red Carpet Smoke Shop, for proclaiming himself "the David to their Goliath." Now there's an angle big tobacco hasn't tried.
Coal to Providence College for banning the school's production of the Vagina Monologues. Catholic girls have vaginas, too!
Coal to pipe problems. Shaking sidewalks, billowing steam... this is Providence, not a sequel to "Volcano."
Coal to the Super Bowl for being so dull that we're actually excited for ice dancing at the Winter Olympics.
And lastly, a grateful diamond to Registrar Michael Pesta, our wonderful staff and all the accommodating students who helped make our poll successful.
