It's been a slow few days in the sports world. Despite the kick-off of the NFL season, nothing particularly surprising happened, except maybe Reggie Bush was more impressive than Mario Williams, Drew Bledsoe threw three interceptions and the Patriots beat the Bills...
Perhaps my Sunday of sports can add some real drama to this dull mix. It began at Fenway Park, my first visit there. As a die-hard Yankee fan, I felt I needed to go decked out in my Yankees hat and Robinson Cano shirt. As my older brother reasoned, the Fenway faithful should have been relatively tame now that the Sox are out of contention, and it also happened to be the day of the New England Patriots' season opener.
My first sample of the distaste for Yankee fans came the moment I stepped off Boston's "T" line a few hundred yards from Fenway. I quickly discovered how many Red Sox fans believe that sexual orientation and baseball allegiances go hand in hand. Thanks guys.
Don't feel bad for me, though. The truth is, I only wore the Yankees gear to get a rise out of the Sox fans. So after I was flipped off for the upteenth time, once again "accidentally" shoved and forced to listen to my 10th "Yankees suck" chant, I felt a lot like Derek Jeter in the Major League Baseball on FOX commercial... "I live for this."
Still, I was sure that my Yankees hat would not be an issue if I was willing to hand over some green. But the roaming hot dog seller opted to leave me without ketchup on account of my apparel, even after I asked politely.
Despite my cruel intentions, I didn't really feel guilty until I was told to "have some class" by the man sitting next to me after I had applauded a Boston swinging third strike.
Well take that, Bill Simmons! Take that, Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon in "Fever Pitch!" Take that, Ben Affleck and (insert temporary girlfriend/wife named Jennifer sitting next to him in the front row)!
The Sox won, and David Ortiz went 2-for-2 with three walks and an opposite field home run, prompting him to campaign for himself as the league's MVP. Papi ripped on Derek Jeter to the media for not hitting more home runs (Jeter had hit one earlier in the day). Said Ortiz: "It doesn't matter how much you've done for your ball club, the bottom line is the guy who hits 40 home runs and knocks in 100, that's the guy you know helped your team win games." That's the most shameless self-promotion since Darth Vader tried to run for president in a Family Guy cut-away: "Vote for me, America. I am your father." Zzzzzing.
The best part though, was Papi's hope that if he could only get 10 more RBIs he'd have "a round number." Yup, a nice, round 137 RBIs. I'm going to start calling "blonde" moments "Papi" moments for a while and see if it sticks any more than other recent memorable attempts at creating phrases such as "that is so fetch" and "stay on punishment."
After leaving the ball "pawk'" to several death threats (not kidding), next up on the agenda was the "Manning Bowl" back at the U (Brown, not Miami). Personally, I thought both Eli and Peyton had won before the game even started. I would have been happy to skip the game and just watch a Manning commercial montage, highlighted by the brothers being scolded by their father, Archie, and Peyton shouting, "Cut that meat! Cut that meat!"
In need of some in-game munchies, I stopped at Spike's for wings before kick-off. Wait! I know what you (the four people who are still reading) are thinking... "Spike's is a hot dog joint, why are you getting wings there!" Well, I also got a hot dog, but try their wings. You'll be like that kid in the Thomas' English Muffins commercials who can't believe that "Thomas' makes bagels!?"
To me the football season can't really start until Peyton shakes his head in disbelief as a teammate turns right instead of left (it's obviously not ever his fault, he's Peyton Manning) or Eli tries in vain to hide his frustration when his receiver can't jump eight feet into the air to catch one of his patented errant, wobbly, sailing throws. So sometime in the second quarter, after Plaxico Burress was overthrown for the fifth time, the football season officially started for me.
Kudos to Lavar Aarington for saying he's from "the school of hard knocks" during player intros. I'm serious, it was well delivered to the point that even though I didn't understand his entire joke, I decided I would add him to my short list of Ice Cube and Reggie Bush as people I will inexplicably support in all their career moves. Tru story.
The game was actually really good, but after a bad offensive pass interference call on the G-Men, it ended a lot like this article: disorganized, with lack of concentration and very abruptly. *backs away from computer... goes to sleep*
Tom Trudeau '09 supports Spike's in all its career moves.
