Mmmm ... 2007. We're off to a great start. Boise State University upset Oklahoma University in the Fiesta Bowl, Tom Brady threw an interception to ice a second consecutive playoff exit and I'm pretty sure Terrell Owens and Curt Schilling haven't said anything yet. I don't want to jinx it by getting too excited, so instead of looking forward to 2007, let's look back at some of the dumbest moves of '06. These are the ones that don't make sense BEFORE hindsight. They are the moves that don't improve the present, make the future darker and draw us one step closer to hiring that guy who we're pretty sure kills people for money.
1. The one and only ... Isiah Thomas. "Zeke" gives false hope to thousands of aspiring general managers who know they could do a better job than he has. The fact is, and I'm not using hyperbole here, a team of monkeys could have done a better job with the Knicks than Thomas has since he took over in 2003. By not signing new players, not drafting anyone and not trading anyone, the monkeys would have the Knicks in salary-cap heaven in the most desirable location for free agents in the world.
They would also have kept the team's 2007 first-round draft pick, be the front-runners in the Greg Oden/Kevin Durant (drools) sweepstakes and have saved the Knicks hundreds of millions of dollars.
I suppose this is sort of a lifetime achievement award, but in 2006 alone Thomas foolishly traded a talented, young, cheap asset in Trevor Ariza and expiring contracts for Steve Francis' maximum contract, acquired Jalen Rose and his max deal before paying him to go away, spent $60 million on Jared Jeffries and drafted Mardy Collins and Renaldo Balkman (I'm convinced he had been watching the World Cup too much and thought he was drafting Ronaldinho) in the first round. Go ahead, Zeke. Take a bow.
2. It is late December in what has already been a wild MLB offseason. Gil Meche convinced Royals' GM Dayton Moore that he was worth $55 million. Juan Pierre and Gary Matthews have cashed in for a combined $110 million. Jeff Suppan and Jeff Weaver are weeks removed from signing deals that will pay them an average of more than $8.3 million per season. It is without a doubt either the most drug-induced off-season of my lifetime or ... no, that's the only possible explanation. Brian Sabean, the San Francisco Giants GM who kept his job despite trading the game's best young pitcher (Francisco Liriano) and the game's best closer not named Rivera (Joe Nathan) for A.J. Pierzynski, decides he wants a hit of whatever everyone else has been smoking and gives Barry Zito the biggest deal for a pitcher ever - $126 million! Really, Brian? Reaaalllly? Zito was second in the American League in walks between 2005-2006, his fastball has diminished from a low 90s heater to a low 80s junk ball and his 1.40 WHIP in '06 was nearly identical to Ted Lilly's. I'm not sure people realize how bad this deal is because Zito is a big name, scores a lot of chicks, has a cool-looking curveball and will get to pitch in the friendly confines of AT&T Park, but they will soon. Sidenote: There has to be some clever metaphor for the ever-changing name of the Giants' stadium -"Pac-Bell," "SBC" and now "AT&T" over the past three years - in the way the team is run. For now I'll go with this:
Brian Sabean: "AT&T was pretty successful eight years ago? Let's go ahead and name our park after them and then sign Rich Aurilia, Dave Roberts and lock up Ray Durham for the same reason. Done and done."
3. If you polled America about the Chicago Bears-New Orleans Saints playoff game, you would probably find that Illinois and Houston were the only places in the country rooting for the Bears. You might conclude that those oil-loving Texans have no heart, but you'd be wrong. It is the former general manager of their beloved Houston Texans, Charley Casserly, who has no heart. For on the eve of the 2006 NFL Draft, when practically half of Texas was willing to do anything to get the most exciting prospect in recent memory (Reggie Bush), Casserly made Mario Williams the number one overall pick instead, allowing Bush to fall to the Saints. By May, Casserly had resigned, and by the New Year, Bush was taunting Brian Urlacher on his way to an 80-yard touchdown reception in the NFC Championship game. If you don't think that one is going to sting for a while, you must be spending too much time with those hippie baseball GMs.
4. Tennis continued to exist as a sport. Apparently, somewhere in Martha's Vineyard and Southampton, someone still enjoyed it. He allegedly pops his collar, uses Grey Poupon instead of mustard and has never seen a Wal-Mart.
Tom Trudeau '09 from 2006 wants to say hi to the future. Hi!
