So who you going to give that Valentine's Day card to? Are you going to give someone a V-card? I can't believe I'm actually going to exchange my V-card. What a beautiful display of love. An index card colored in pink and heart-themed.
V-cards. Ha. Who needs 'em?
The V-card is the ultimate act of admission. Here's a piece of construction paper folded in four. I love you. Now take me. On a date. For some ice cream or something. Then back to my place. For some Scrabble. Will you accept my V-card?
Actually, according to many studies, maybe the only other better display of love in the entire love-display realm is chocolates and flowers. And hearts filled with chocolates. And chocolates filled with flowers. Apparently, that is what everyone loves more than anything, except emotional support. Here baby, you can get fatter. Here baby, here's some flowers. That's love.
That is a truly beautiful gesture of devotion and worship. Chocolate or flowers.
Some people have been saving their V-cards for years. They've been saving it since second grade when they got the least number of V-cards in their mailbox at the end of their desk and decided the next year that they were keeping their third-grade stash of V-cards to themselves forever. They've had it locked in a box for 15 years. And now, Feb. 14, is the exact right time to unlock that chest and write that note to someone.
Still other people are dying to give away their V-card but know no one who seems worthwhile enough to bestow such a gift as a lace-outlined V-card to. It is probably best that these people wait. There is nothing worse than making a rash decision with one's V-card. It will always come back to irritate you.
But have no worries, plenty of V-cards will be exchanged this Valentine's Day. Let that be known and let that be celebrated across the land. V-cards will be swapped, V-cards will be sent, V-cards will be received, V-cards will be lost, V-cards will be taken and V-cards will be tossed aside into the trash on this holy day of lust and love.
Beauties will be beasted, maids will be made, and couples will certainly conceive of new futures. That is what this day is all about.
Plus the delivery of delightful trifles, the extravagance of magnificent dates and the necessity of something special. Something to prove your love. That is why we have this lovely holiday. To prove through material possessions that we love the person we are married to, seeing, or hoping to get a V-card from. February the 14th is the perfect day to give something priceless, personal, or expensive to the person you love.
And there is nothing in this world more valuable to both giver and receiver than a carefully chosen, well-executed, cleverly worded V-card.
Gavin Shulman '05 is a wee bit cynical.
