A cubic zirconium to the announcement of Michael Goldberger as the new athletic director. We hope you are as pleased to receive this appointment as the University is to offer it to you, but does this mean the Class of 2008 will be the last best class ever?
Coal to the never-ending keg debate. C'mon guys, put a cork in it. The whole thing is tapped out. Aren't there more important things to take a stand on?
A tiny, guilty diamond to the unending availability of terrible keg puns, though.
Coal to Dinesh D'Souza's fervent wish to not let any of all our Ivy League "liberal sheep" go "unmolested." Although, upon further consideration, we didn't expect much more out of a Dartmouth grad. Pervert.
Speaking of the Big Green, a sea of diamonds to made-for-TV movies that have the audacity to mention "all the hot guys from Dartmouth." That has to be the funniest line we've heard in a while, and it was made all the sweeter by the presence of a fleet of boat-chomping CGI sharks eating those "attractive" men of Hanover.
A cubic zirconium to the Nice Slice. You deserve coal for being a carbon copy of Antonio's, but we're glad for the opportunity to place bets on how fast you'll close, since our March Madness brackets have tanked.
A diamond to the ingenuity of student entrepreneurs. Who needs a business school?
But coal to nobody starting up the business we'd really like to see: DormBooze.com.
And a diamond to proposed tax credits for film and TV production in Rhode Island. Michael Corrente may be best known for his work on "Outside Providence," but we also need to encourage more artistic gems like his "Federal Hill," the movie that proves that even the lowliest coke dealer can score a date with a beautiful Brown coed.
