I feel like being Topical. Like a warm paradise. Like an island. Like a storm. I feel like talking about what's happening. Now. I feel like being dated.
The Oscars were a disappointment. "Million Dollar Baby" is a bad movie. Jude Law does suck. Chris Rock's been funnier in commercials.
Hunter S. Thompson blew his brains out while he was on the phone with his wife. Now he's officially gone-zo. I think he would have liked this though. Me trying to make a deadline and writing by the seat of my assless chaps. I think he would have appreciated the sentiment.
Arthur Miller also died. He was real old though. He had outlived the American dream. "The Crucible" is hands-down the best play ever written. And for a Jew to sleep with Marilyn Monroe - you know he's resting in peace.
A third writer will probably die soon. That's how these things happen.
Jose Canseco wrote a best-seller. Maybe it will be him.
50 Cent dropped his protégé The Game from his G-Unit records because The Game refused to take his side in his beef against Jadakiss and Nas. That's too bad. I thought those two got along so well.
"NYPD Blue" finally turned in its television badge after 12 years of dramatic crime-stopping and fascinating crime-solving. I never really watched. I am sad, however, that Zach Morris will be out of a job again.
Kegs are coming back to campus. So are cups I guess. And ice.
Bill Clinton is coming here to speak soon. It's good to see that he is no longer glued to the side of former President Bush. I hope he brings his sax. And comes our to party afterwards. We have kegs.
Ben Folds is ready to rock all of our respective socks off with his brand of piano-powered pop. Give me my money back you... .
Some nuts writing out in Los Angeles believe Bono should be the next president of the World Bank. What idiots. Obviously it should be The Edge.
Or me. Graduation is coming up, I need a job. I know about foreign affairs and the like. I am well-versed in the issues and such. I can solve problems, sort of. I won't work weekends though. If I did, what would I have to work for? But Monday through Friday, I would be there for the world. As long as they worked around my touring schedule.
How long did that pizza-grill place off Thayer last? Five days and a minute? It didn't even make it to the Freshmen 15.
You know what Thayer needs? Another over-priced, semi-themed restaurant. Something like the two that are opening up next to each other now.
I, for one, am psyched about Subway. Not Jared-psyched. But pretty psyched.
Why is Prince all over the place again? I thought he went weird. But now he's at the Grammys, he's at the Oscars; he's going by a name. I liked him when he was mysterious. And symbolic.
The war in Iraq is still going. Still grabbing its share of headlines. I think Iraq only makes the front page on a slow news day. When nothing really out of the ordinary happens. No celebrity passing away, no terrorist arrested, no murder committed, no new discovery unearthed. There's always Iraq.
I don't think it's fair that Ken Jennings gets a bye to the finals of the "Jeopardy!" Ultimate Tournament of Champions. I hope he wins though.
The Kings of Leon rule.
Anyhow, those are the topics on my mind right now. Both the Cancer and the Capricorn. Here and in the world. Hopefully next column I'll have something worth writing about.
Gavin Shulman '05 rides the wave of the news by the seat of his assless chaps.
