Ever since the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten published a page covered with editorial cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed, the world has been embroiled in a raging conflict between proponents of respect and advocates of free speech. At the time of this writing, several dozen people have died as a result of the controversy, and the protests have given little sign of slowing down. Despite the deadly consequences of the Danish cartoons, though, the protests have brought to mind an entirely different problem.
The Muslim prohibition of images of Allah or Mohammed means that nobody knows what either of them is supposed to look like. When one contrasts this tenet with the multitude of Western images of God in all his long-bearded glory and Jesus as a long-haired man with flowing white robes, it becomes clear that this lack of knowledge as to the appearance of the Prophet closes Islam off to a lucrative market: religious iconography.
We need look no further than Christianity to understand how valuable this industry can be. Ever since people of the cloth discovered the Shroud of Turin, which allegedly bore an imprint of the recently deceased Savior's body, they've been trading objects that in some way resemble the primary figures of Christianity. Some icons, of course, have been grander than others. For instance, the majestic Basilica of Guadalupe in Mexico City was constructed on the spot where an image of the Virgin Mary appeared on the inside of a man's cloak when it was filled with roses. Unfortunately, most instances of divine appearance on an item are decisively less impressive. The image of the Virgin was once rather inexplicably found in a stain on a highway underpass in Chicago, which became an impromptu pilgrimage site. Mary also made an appearance on a grilled cheese sandwich, which was promptly sold on eBay for $28,000. A man in Ontario found the image of Jesus himself scorched into an overcooked fish stick, leading the fishy treat to be dubbed "the Son of Cod." A cinnamon bun bearing an uncanny resemblance to the recently beatified Mother Teresa was stolen around Christmas last year from the Nashville bakery where it had been a renowned tourist attraction.
Clearly, each of these divine - and, in the case of the latter three, delicious - objects has been a fantastic source of revenue and alms for its discoverers and their communities. Unfortunately, Islam's adherence to something as piddling as the direct word of Mohammed himself has closed them off to precious economic flow. Sure, Muslims have found their fair share of holy incursions into ordinary food objects, but they aren't nearly as engrossing. An Indian woman once cut open an eggplant to find the meandering line of seeds inside spelling out the word "Allah" in Urdu script. Sadly, even this culinary miracle isn't particularly original. Several other eggplants with variations of the same message have been found: some in Arabic, some saying "Allah exists" and some even inscribed with sacred Hindu symbols.
Although it's a decent start into the world of rapturous foodstuffs, the Muslims who discovered these anointed aubergines violated a basic law of supply and demand. People will be less willing to pay more for a holy object if there are replicas: would the online casino that purchased the aforementioned grilled cheese sandwich have paid a full $28,000 if Mary had graced another sandwich with her image? I certainly doubt it. Even worse, the eggplants' owners committed a grave sin in the disposal of their relics. After brief stints at local mosques, the eggplants were divided and consumed by the faithful in their respective communities. Any good economist knows that to throw away such a moneymaker instead of keeping it for increased profit is pecuniary suicide. With their years of experience, Christians have clearly lived by this rule: even though cinnamon buns are far superior in taste and texture to eggplants, the owners of the so-called "Nun Bun" prevented themselves from consuming their divine delicacy, leading to a greater ultimate gross for themselves.
In the end, the world of Islam has a lot to learn from modern Christianity. Sure, its quaint devotion to its religion is adorable, but it's just not raking in the dinars. With the current cartoon controversy, there's been enough destruction at the hands of Mohammed's followers. It's time for loyal Muslims to step into the real world and get down to business.
Adam Cambier '09 is the mastermind behind the Nun Bun robbery.
