The University's e-mail server and other vital communications tools will become inoperable this afternoon as workers attempt to implement Banner, the comprehensive program that could one day bring online course registration to Brown.
The system, which will also replace other administrative systems and databases, "might" become functional in 2027, according to Ellen Waite-Franzen, vice president for Computing and Information Services. Until that time, students, faculty and staff will be provided with a variety of "ad hoc, cost-effective" replacement solutions, Waite-Franzen said.
As workers attempt to integrate the e-mail service with Banner, CIS will provide students and others with a replacement system in the form of stray pigeons from Kennedy Plaza.
"We have just entered into a contract with Fantasy Flying Fowl, a well-established and trusted corporation that will provide each and every person who currently has a University e-mail account with four messenger pigeons," Waite-Franzen said.
CIS will put each bird through a complex training session inside its virtual reality cave. Once trained, every student, faculty and staff member will receive four cages, red string and message paper.
"Banner has long been seen as the solution to digitizing our non-electronic resources, and this is just one more obstacle we face as we try to create as large an integrated electronic community as possible," Waite-Franzen said.
Several students and administrators applauded the outside-the-box thinking to solve this problem. "This is not only a great way to make up for the lost productivity, but it also will lower our energy budget," said David Greene, vice president for campus life and student services. Greene estimated the switch from e-mail to "f-mail" will save the University roughly $150,000 a year, although that figure may decrease if Facilities Management has to hire more workers to clean up pigeon droppings.
Berken Stock '07.5, president of Happy Individuals Praying for Productive and Intelligent use of Energy, also offered praise.
"Ever since I arrived (in Providence) we have been lobbying for the University to do something about how much we are polluting the city," Stock said. "I think releasing legions of new organisms cast aside by a low-profile private organization is a logical solution."
Mayor David Cicilline '83 also lauded the plan as an effective and humane solution to the overabundance of pigeons at Kennedy Plaza. "I'm glad Brown has taken this step to contribute to the downtown area," he said.
But Walter Hunter, vice president for administration, expressed doubts about the prospect of releasing scores of pigeons in the College Hill area.
"While I do applaud the ingenuity, I'm skeptical that we would be able to train so many pigeons in time to cover the e-mail server shutdown," Hunter said. "Moreover, with the threat of a bird flu pandemic, I am not positive that the best course of action would be to release thousands of birds into our environment."
Instead of using birds, Hunter proposed using another untapped resource.
"I think a better alternative would be to use those artistic (Rhode Island School of Design) students as messengers," Hunter said. "They're going to need jobs anyway after they graduate, so we might as well help them out."
Other students offered different criticisms of the proposal.
"This is just like Brown to go out and try some stupid hippie-liberal program when what we had worked fine before. Why can't we just pollute? We're all going to be on Mars by 2020 anyway," said anti-recycling activist Chase Melbrooke '09. "The forces of Brown at work," he added with a sigh.
Waite-Franzen said the University's telephone system is among others that will be interfaced with Banner. As a result, it will be shut down "for an indefinite period of time." A complex network of tin cans and string will replace actual phones. The cable television module, another University service affected by Banner, will be phased out in favor of Punch and Judy puppet stands.
