"I have so many memories of Luis, and I want to say they relate to all the different ways he wore his hair," said Karen Feldman.
The executive director of Youth in Action, a Providence-based organization that teaches leadership skills to disadvantaged students, is among many friends and coworkers who remember Luis Pagan for his vibrancy, warmth, dedication and community service.
Pagan disappeared Jan. 12 while swimming in choppy waters off the coast of Pueblo Angel, Oaxaca in southern Mexico. His body was found four days later.
Born in Puerto Rico, the public and private sector organizations concentrator spent the majority of his life in Providence and graduated from Classical High School, a city magnet school, in 2001. As a member of the Brown community, his friends said, Pagan demonstrated unparalleled passion in all his pursuits.
"Whenever I saw him his face would light up and he would always stop to give me a hug and a kiss. He was always stopping to appreciate people, and when he asked how you were doing, you knew he really cared," said Laurabeth Greenwald '06.
As a student Pagan faced difficult issues as he explored his identity as a gay and minority student, but it is the way in which he approached these challenges that impressed those who knew him best.
"As important as it is to say wonderful things about Luis, it's also important to talk about the way he struggled with his shortcomings - it's part of what makes him so admirable," said Alicia Pantoja '06. "He knew that he wasn't perfect and he dealt with that, and it made him real."
No matter what the topic, Pagan was always happy to listen to and support his friends in their struggles.
"We had a lot of deep conversations about the pressure to be straight in society and the issues of confronting fears and our families," Pantoja said. "I remember one night when we went to a Dominican restaurant and just sat talking about finding love and the importance of friends."
Many facets of Pagan's personality combined to make him a truly unique individual, said Feldman, who described Pagan as a witty and complex person with whom she shared many touching moments.
"I knew him from the time he first joined Youth in Action. For Luis it was a second family. We played a very integral role in each other's lives and definitely had a role in creating each other," Feldman said. For Pagan, Youth in Action was a place where he could play an active and critical role in what was happening in the community from a young age, she said.
Inspired by the desire to help others, Pagan felt a strong responsibility to be involved in the community as a mentor for younger children, Feldman said. Pagan became involved with Youth in Action at the age of 14 and also served as a mentor for Youth Pride, an organization focused on helping teenagers dealing with issues of sexuality, which he joined at 13.
But even his work as an after-school mentor was not enough to quench Pagan's passionate desire to be involved. He also served on the board of directors for both organizations and took a year off from his studies at Brown to work as a full-time mentor at Youth in Action. Even after returning to Brown, Pagan continued to volunteer for four hours a day, Feldman said.
"He was always making sure the children were involved in leading the organization," said Michelle Duso, executive director of Youth Pride. "It was a privilege to watch him grow from a rebellious 13-year-old to an incredibly thoughtful man with a fierce dedication to justice and a heart of gold."
In his continual effort to make a difference, Pagan designed and wrote an HIV prevention curriculum for Providence children that has reached approximately 3,000 students.
"Because he wrote the HIV prevention curriculum that is still being taught, because he mentored so many students, he is still here with us," Feldman said in January.
Pagan planned to continue his service to the Providence community even after graduation, Duso said.
"He was planning to come back and stay for the remainder of the calendar year," she said. "He was willing to stay in Providence as long as it offered new challenges and he felt that he was able to make a positive change. I don't know too many adults who use those criteria as their litmus test."
Theater was another of Pagan's many passions. He worked on a number of projects with the Rites and Reason Theatre, the oldest operating African-American theater in New England. At the memorial service for Pagan in January, which nearly filled Sayles Hall to capacity, Rites and Reason presented a photomontage accompanied by words from Pagan's friends. The emotional, yet humorous presentation left many mourners in tears.
Pagan was also concerned with politics, Greenwald said.
"We were both from Puerto Rico," she said. "We used to talk about the work of different political activists and what was going on in Puerto Rico. He was very interested in the world and what was going on where he came from."
At Brown, Pagan's professors held him in equally high regard. He hoped to earn a master's degree and eventually work for a nonprofit organization pursuing community-based social work.
"Luis was always pushing for knowledge and understanding, questioning received wisdom and testing it in the light of his experience," said Associate Professor of Sociology Ann Dill, Pagan's concentration adviser. She cited Pagan's work on a team project to develop sustainable housing in Rhode Island as an example of his "out-of-the-box" style of thinking.
Beyond their academic relationship, Dill expressed her gratitude for the chance to advise Pagan, noting that she was never quite sure who was the teacher in the relationship.
"Luis was indeed a part of many communities," Dill said, adding that his "irresistible grin" was a foolproof instrument for making friends.
Pagan made a profound and lasting impact on the lives of all he knew. "One of the things that makes it hard to imagine him not here is the breadth and depth of his love. He was so open, and he valued his friends and family very highly," Greenwald said. "I have vivid memories of his excitement to soak up life and people."
