I am no friend of the Miami Heat. When I went with some friends to the TD Banknorth Garden to watch the Celtics' overtime victory over the Chicago Bulls two weeks ago, I went crazy when the Jumbotron displayed the final score on the Hornets-Heat game — 96-93, Hornets. I openly cackle whenever I see them lose, mostly because I thought it was something I wouldn't see a lot of this year. Boy, was I wrong.
Now, it's early in the NBA season. Really early. Do I think that just because the Heat are on pace for a 49-win season, that they won't be a playoff contender? No, that's stupid. This team is going to get better. They will soon get back Mike Miller, who can actually hit the wide open looks that Eddie House and James Jones have been bricking off of the rim. Miller will put up more threes than a genie in a lamp.
No, this team will make a deep playoff run.
But, there are some serious problems with this Heat team. Haters are going to hate, and I most definitely am a hater. But there is no way that this team, with how it has played, can hang with the likes of the Lakers and the rest of the league's elite.
Let's start with the Heat's record up until this point. 6-4 heading into Wednesday's matchup against the Phoenix Suns. The six wins came against the 76ers, Magic, Raptors, Timberwolves and twice against the Nets. Notice anything about those teams? With the exception of the Magic, I can almost guarantee that none of those other teams will make the playoffs. That puts their record at 1-4 against playoff-bound teams. The Heat can beat their chest all they want about torching Andrea Bargnani and the rest of the laughable Raptors defense, but what happens when Pau Gasol is the man between them and the bucket?
Now let's look at the teams that the Heat have lost to: the Hornets, the Jazz and the Celtics twice. Given that all of these teams have elite point guards, you could just say that the Heat need to learn to cut off passing options better. The other thing you could say is that you aren't going to see teams without good point guards in the playoffs, so you should get used to it.
Fun fact: The Cleveland Cavaliers team that Lebron was so disgusted with is a game behind the Heat. There is a possibility that they could get a six seed out of the East and the Heat could get a three seed. As in, Heat-Cavaliers first round match-up. As in, a possible Loudest-Boos-Ever record when Lebron returns to Ohio. We can only hope.
Speaking of playoffs and pressure, is there anything funnier or sadder than the play of Chris Bosh this year? His stats are ok; he's averaging 14.5 points, six rebounds and one block per game. Not great for a self-proclaimed NBA superstar by any stretch of the imagination, but tolerable.
Then you watch him play. With every game it becomes more and more clear that he is the Wormtail to James' and Wade's Prongs and Padfoot.
Bosh looks like he needs a hug, or a least a good pair of Depends out there. It's like he's successfully passed himself off as a cool kid after moving to a new high school, but he's petrified that everyone is going to figure him out. Every once in a while, after he is spoon-fed an easy dunk by Lebron, Bosh will tilt open his alien-looking head and roar. Then he realizes he soiled himself a little and scampers back down the court. You're a little cutie, Chris Bosh.
That just leaves Dwyane Wade and Lebron James. Two of the top five players in the NBA. Maybe that's why it's so awkward for them that James is laughably better, but still defers to Wade to try and give the two of them equal shots. Listen, I'm pretty down on the choices that LBJ has made over the last half year, but this guy is the best player in the NBA. Period.
He is one of three players in the league, along with Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant, that can put a team on his back and single-handedly will them back from a double-digit, fourth-quarter deficit. He is quick and solid, unstoppable if given a lane. I watched in horror last Thursday as he almost brought the Heat back against the Celtics.
Luckily for me, and every other Celtic fan, Wade was there to save the day. Lebron would get a step on someone, but would kick it out to Wade instead of finishing at the bucket. Wade would then help us out by chucking up an ugly three-point attempt that would inevitably end up in the hands of Kevin Garnett.
I'm not saying that Wade is going to shoot 2-12 and 0-5 from three-point range all year. I'm just saying that it was obvious that he was having an off-night shooting, but Lebron continued to defer to him. You can't lose a game just because someone has been with a team longer and you feel like you have to satisfy him.
It's like Lebron has shown up at a party with Wade's old girlfriend. When Lebron talked to D-Wade about maybe dating her, he said he was cool with it even though he didn't seem like he was. Now, Lebron feels awkward about bringing her around, and is being overly-nice to Wade while ignoring her.
Watch out, Lebron. You can't ignore your girlfriend forever. She's made up of 20,000 fair-weather fans in pastel-colored button-downs. She wants victories before she can be troubled to wear the team colors to home games. You're her new boyfriend, and she's literally the only one who can stand you anymore. So let your friend get over his issues by himself, because you've got some birthday presents to pick out. And the only thing this girl wants is a ring.
Sam Sheehan '12 routinely helps Chris Bosh check under his bed for monsters. Ask sports questions for his mailbag at sam_sheehan[at]brown.edu or follow him on Twitter [at]samsheehan.
