Cubic zirconia to Chaplain of the University Reverend Janet Cooper Nelson, who said, “I mean think about it — when your family gives a gift in 1938, do you think it’s still going to be doing anything in 2013?” Don’t tell that to the anonymous donor who gave the University our favorite work of public art: the delightful Circle Dance on the Walk. May it last until 2113.
A diamond to the men’s hockey player who said about his goal, “It didn’t really go too hard, but it slipped in, so I’ll take it.” We doubt the goal was quite as satisfied.
Coal to the state representative who said, “You can’t just go buy a gun and throw it in your purse.” The whole reason for buying that patent-leather clutch was to match a cute little pink Beretta.
A diamond to David Dadekian, an editor of the food blog Eat Drink R.I., who said, “There are a million pluses to home gardening.” There are, and they tend to become increasingly apparent around 4:20 p.m.
Cubic zirconia to University Librarian Harriette Hemmasi, who asked members of the Undergraduate Council of Students to think about how text messaging, Skype and Facebook can “be effectively used in teaching.” Clearly she hasn’t been to any class held in Salomon 101 — otherwise, she would know Brown students are already pros at using social media in the classroom.
A diamond to the senior who said of an environmental protest in Massachusetts, “we had a funeral for our futures.” Our parents had one of those when we declared our concentrations in Medieval studies.
Cubic zurconia to Abigail Quandt, head of the department of Book and Paper Conservation at the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore, who said, “The main issue was how to work on something so tiny and thin without it just going crazy.” It’s not often that manuscript conservators and model management agencies face the same problem.
Cubic zurconia to Todd Winkler, professor of music, who said, “You cannot take an ensemble, put them in a room and tell them to just make music.” On the other hand, you can take English concentrators, put them in a room and tell them to deconstruct works of literature they haven’t read.
Coal to women’s basketball Head Coach Jean Burr, who said of the team’s final game of the season, “It seemed every time we got a rhythm someone got injured.” We don’t appreciate the reminder of how our first Spring Weekend concert went down.
Coal to Tara Nummedal, associate professor of history, who said, “It is a good feminist point for students to see me with my daughter.” And all those times our mom took us to the grocery store, we thought she just wanted company. Apparently she was really using us as a prop to make misogynists angsty.
A diamond to the women’s basketball player who said, “One of our big challenges next year will be to play at a high level for all 40 minutes.” We’ll take on the same goal when staying in with our significant others tonight.