A diamond to novelist John Banville, who reported once having seen “five snow-white seabirds fighting over a crust of bread with a duck. And the duck won.” We saw something similar going down over the last bowl of pho in Andrews Commons last night. Coal to the student who said of the pipe ...
A diamond to the Office of Residential Life for assigning one student to single-gender housing in Andrews Hall, while placing her twin sister — who requested such housing — in Keeney Quadrangle. This sounds like the premise for a very promising Mary Kate and Ashley movie. Cubic zirconia ...
A diamond to Baxter, the new robot the Department of Computer Science acquired, who is learning to help bake pies. Somebody get Pixar on the phone — this screams “Wall-E 2: Wall-E Does Thanksgiving.” A diamond to Dean of Admission Jim Miller ’73, who said of the Common App site glitches ...
Coal to the Third World Center for discontinuing its Thanksgiving dinner, which one previous attendee said was “very homey, there (were) a lot of couches, and there was a lot of food, but it was very crowded.” This year, we’re taking Grandma Alice’s pumpkin pie to eat in the attic alone. A ...
Cubic zirconia to the student athlete who said, “We are a mature team now because a lot of the players are older.” Good to know Benjamin Button isn’t playing on the Brown volleyball team. Coal to President Christina Paxson for reminding us that “we live in a more uncertain world than we did ...
Cubic zirconia to the sophomore who said of student activists in favor of coal divestment, “I wish that I had picked up a drum and beat it with my classmates as they walked across the green in their protests.” Ah yes, we heard from Corporation members that had there been drums, they would have supported ...
A diamond to trustee Alison Cohen ’09, who said that every time there is a discussion about growing Brown’s student population, “people have said it’s already the perfect size.” We bet it doesn’t look fat in those jeans, either. Coal to Tim Lear, director of college counseling at ...
A diamond to the student director of “In the Next Room, or the Vibrator Play,” who said, “This was a time before pornography shaped these stereotypes, so these women’s reactions would have been very natural and organic.” We also like our orgasms cage-free, farm-raised and grass-fed. Cubic ...
A diamond to the student who said, “Apparently I’m a love hipster,” after describing the ring he made in the seventh grade and eventually gave to his fiancee. Does this mean your engagement is ironic? Cubic zirconia to Tim Springfield, head coach of the men’s cross country team, who said, “Because ...
Coal to the federal government for shutting down, which could have a severe impact on the University. We’d give you a diamond, but you’d probably just argue over how to spend it. A diamond to Professor of Classics Susan Alcock, who said a highlight of her summer massive open online course ...
Solutions by The State News
