As we discussed in yesterday's editorial, Brown is at a critical juncture in its institutional odyssey. Though no single policy can undo the devastation that years of corporate influence and human greed have wrought upon the University, there is a bold move the administration can make to reset our course and reaffirm our commitment to the university-college. Brown should import a herd of sheep to roam campus.
Sheep would keep our greens manicured and fertilized at a fraction of the cost and environmental impact associated with traditional lawn care. The New York Times recently reported on an Ohio landscaper using grazing sheep in lieu of lawnmowers. According to the article, "the sheep eat free, saving him hundreds of dollars a month in food costs, and his clients get a freshly cut lawn, with none of the carbon emissions of a conventional gas-powered mower." It is amazing that we have not seen more public pressure to replace the University's mowers with sheep, given how logical this policy is.
As the sheep became comfortable with their surroundings, campus would be transformed into a pastoral dreamland. That gets to the heart of another powerful argument in favor of investing in sheep. Brown students are no longer the country's happiest, and we cannot attract the best applicants if we lose standing in this crucial ranking. Yet the administration is not taking appropriate action to reverse our fortunes. Sure, we have Heavy Petting. But according to the Washington Post, some law schools are offering students quality time with not just tired, old dogs, but adorable puppies. The pictures of gleeful students holding puppies were enough to make us sick.
We can and must do better. Sheep are outrageously cute, as YouTube footage amply demonstrates, and they are non-traditional in a most Brunonian way. Imagine the emotional boost petting sheep between classes would provide students.
Sheep could also help advance social justice causes. We are heartened to see Occupy Providence maintaining its momentum, but with winter approaching, we fear that the camps in Burnside Park will not last. The administration should be more aggressive in supporting the Occupiers as they struggle to reform our political system and simultaneously avoid freezing to death. The most obvious and logistically simple way to accomplish this goal would be to purchase roughly 50 to 2,000 sheep, raise them, train student volunteers to shear their wool, build some sort of on-campus mill where the wool could be processed into clothing and then donate said clothing to the Occupiers.
We must admit that having sheep roam free on College Hill does present some concerns. But there are simple remedies to all of them. For example, how would the sheep safely cross the busy intersection at Waterman and Brown streets as they venture towards Pembroke? Simple: Construct a sheep bridge. With more room in the budget thanks to reduced landscaping expenses, we ought to have more than enough funds to expand the Building Brown campaign in this way.
This University is facing an existential crisis. Sheep cannot solve all of Brown's problems, but they would represent an important step in the right direction. If the sheep do not end up producing the benefits we expect, "Mutton Mondays" at the Ratty are always an option.
Editorials are written by The Herald's editorial page board. Send comments to editorials@browndailyherald.com.
