Coal to the Nor'easter Athena that blew into Providence Wednesday night, causing several power outages around campus and coating the city in its first snow of the season. We deserve better from something named after the Greek goddess of courage and wisdom.
Cubic zirconia to the wrestler Jack "The Snake" Roberts, who said, "To me, wrestling is like having sex." That's funny, because to us, having sex is like wrestling.
Coal to the Johnson and Wales student who said of his peers at the Providence culinary school, "Pastry people are not that nice in general. There's definitely a lot of backstabbing and throwing people under the bus." Sounds like we really need to confiscate the knives down there before someone gets hurt.
A diamond to Nick Prueher, curator of the Cable Car Cinema's Found Footage Festival, who said,"We actually get paid to be professional smartasses. What could be better?" Judging from the feedback we got after updating our current position on LinkedIn to "professional smartass," absolutely nothing.
A diamond to Vinayak Bharadwaj, the Cape Town native who said of American politics, "It's like one of those awful deals where you buy one get one free. You buy Romney, you get the Republican Party free." Unsolicited comments about rape are also free.
Cubic zirconia to the junior who called the legalization of marijuana in Washington and Colorado "the most exciting part of this election for me." We can guess how you celebrated.
Coal to physics demonstrator Gerald Zani, who said he was able to procure a "very expensive" photon multiplier tool after asking the company that manufactures it "if they could make an academic donation." When we tried that with Antonio's, they were far less generous.
A diamond to each of the nearly 13 percent of students who said in a Herald poll that they were less happy than their peers. Buck up, guys - take a trip to the SciLi basement around midnight on any given night, and you'll feel a whole lot better.
Cubic zirconia to Brown History Professor Michael Vorenberg, who said of tallying his second New Yorker caption contest win this October, "I don't want to play down the contest, but I'm not putting it in my list of great achievements." That's right, you wouldn't want to hurt your street cred.
