When I go home for spring break next week, one of my first stops will be walking over to Beth’s house. Beth and I met at our neighborhood synagogue ten years ago, and our relationship flourished when we started taking daily walks together during the COVID-19 pandemic. We chat about everything from politics to Gilmore Girls. She knows more about my life than many of my closest school friends.
She also happens to be 41 years old.
While my friendship with Beth might seem atypical, its intergenerational quality has pulled me out of my shell and challenged me to escape the homogeneity of my peers. Especially on campus, a place where we are entrenched in a culture defined by youth, building relationships with individuals beyond our generation provides perspective. Pursuing friendships with professors, university staff or older members of the Providence community can help us break out of the insularity of the undergraduate bubble.
Before college, interaction with individuals of varying ages is common. We live at home with our parents, spend time with older relatives and interact with siblings and their friends. Outside of our familial contexts, we exist among those of all ages, whether when babysitting, developing personal relationships with high school teachers, participating in various extracurriculars or dining with family friends. Our day-to-day interactions span generations.
Coming to college, this completely shifts: From our dorms to the libraries, we are surrounded by our contemporaries. Every day, whether it is during meals, sleep or study, we are enveloped by those experiencing the same issues, exams and mood-swings. This exacerbates young people’s natural tendency towards adolescent egocentrism. Author and critic William Deresiewicz argues elite universities produce graduates with “little intellectual curiosity and a stunted sense of purpose,” resulting in young people who are out of touch from society. I believe we are out of touch, in part, because we spend most of our time with people our own age. A natural remedy to this malady of apathy and myopia is intergenerational friendships.
Intergenerational friendships provide a removed perspective, a relationship without the comparison and judgement that can take place between peers. It's far easier to measure your worth against the accomplishments of a fellow 20-year-old than a well-lived retiree. This social comparison is a common predictor of depression. Furthermore, the self-doubt that ensues can result in imposter syndrome, a rampant phenomenon on university campuses. Comparison really is the thief of joy. Intergenerational friendships remove us from this cycle. By opening younger people’s minds, encouraging a removal from the trivial pressures of youth, intergenerational friendships promote self-worth and confidence.
Such relationships are symbiotic. Intergenerational friendships prevent social isolation, correlating with improved heart health and decreased risk of Alzheimer’s. Furthermore, these relationships provide purpose and company for the older folks, qualities that are vital during the growing loneliness epidemic. They add a sense of vibrancy and excitement in daily life.
While it feels like youth is all encompassing at Brown, there are people of all generations on campus — we just need to seek them out. While the average age of the over 7,000 undergraduate Brown students hovers around 20 years old, there are 5,490 employees across campus, not to mention the additional 3,130 graduate students. That puts those of us without fully developed pre-frontal cortices in the minority. More wizened perspectives are not out of reach.
The first step towards building meaningful intergenerational friendships is abandoning the often transactional nature of our relationships with faculty and staff. Office hours don’t need to only be reserved solely for homework questions, they should be a space to find academic mentorship or foster a friendly and respectful friendship. Coffee chats shouldn’t just be a step toward an internship but viewed as a means for developing a healthy and eye-opening relationship. Asking dining hall and cleaning staff about their children or commutes injects new meaning into everyday interactions. Stepping off the Brown campus opens even more avenues to intergenerational friendships, from places of worship and cultural or identity-based groups to book clubs or dinner gatherings. Brown and Providence are brimming with opportunities for friendship — it is our responsibility to engage with them.
One-third of American adults don’t have a close friend from another generation. For Brown to succeed in its mission of producing graduates with a commitment to new perspectives as a means to gain knowledge and understanding, Brunonians need to beat this statistic. It is possible for you to find your “Beth” on campus. Next time you’re waiting in line at the Sharpe Refectory or walking into office hours, open your eyes to the potential pal standing right in front of you.
Talia Berkwits ’29 can be reached at talia_berkwits@brown.edu. Please send responses to this op-ed to letters@browndailyherald.com and other opinions to opinions@browndailyherald.com.
Talia Berkwits is a staff columnist. She is from Chicago, IL and undecided on her concentration. She loves cooking (but not cleaning up) and one of her goals is to visit all 50 states.
