I was planning on proposing what I believed was a better way to solve this highly contested election than voting. I was going to suggest that we could just split the country in half.
The Republicans, if you are standing in Indiana, could take the whole right side of the country, and the Democrats could then just have the left. It seemed to me that both parties would be quite happy in this arrangement.
The Republicans would have the expanses of the Great West to do with as they pleased. Nice weather. More room for separation. A little farther from the rest of the world. The Democrats would have the Old East. The bustling diversity of the cities. The liberal attitude left by past generations. And no Republicans.
People probably would have called me crazy, but I really thought it would have been a very civil way to solve such a divisive crisis.
But once I realized how excited I and everyone must be to watch this election unfold on television, I have decided to sing a different song. Now, I agree with our forefathers. We should let this one be battled out in the ballot box. We should let this one be a war between popular and electoral. We should let the voters, or viewers, decide.
Lucky me - my first presidential election, and it's a good one. This one is going to go right down to the wire. I can just tell. This one is going to be close. It's going to come down to the swingingest state, the last elderly vote and the final dangling moment. This election is certain to be an instant classic.
And everyone will be watching this one real closely. No one is going to miss a minute of Election Day coverage this time around. This year, the channel will never be changed.
This year, every vote will be counted. This year, even if it goes to extra time, everyone will just continue watching on Court TV. Yes, this one is going to be fun.
I can't wait to see each state, and what color it becomes. I can't wait for 90 percent of precincts to have been reported. I can't wait to see which of the 50 is vaunted to the forefront by election-day proceedings. Which counties mess things up. Which little or long state packs the biggest surprise.
I can't wait to watch the in-studio anchors announce the results and the out-in-the-field reporters get the first reactions. I can't wait to see the most current tally crawl along the ticker at the bottom of my television screen. I can't wait to see the scoreboard in the upper right corner.
I'm looking forward to the predictions of the pre-election analysts and the commentary of the Monday-morning campaign managers. I am so excited for the shot of the concession call. I'm even looking forward to the commercials. I heard the half-time show - an interview with Rudolph Giuliani - is going to be off the hook.
This election can put a Yankees-Red Sox series to shame, in both ratings and rivalry. After all, it's got all the same storylines. Big guy expected to win versus slightly less big guy expected to lose. Highest payroll versus a slightly smaller payroll. Years of embittered rivalry. New York against Boston. A 9/11 mentality against a screw-the-Yankees sentiment. Baseball has nothing on politics this year.
People are just as fired up about it too. They have signs on their lawns, stickers on their windows, pins on their backpacks and magnets on their fridges.
It is no secret which team people are rooting for. They'll let you know. They'll chant it from a street corner and discuss it at work.
People are wearing their votes on their shirtsleeves. You can just look at someone and know who he or she is going to vote for. You can tell in every voter's eyes, even without looking at what channel they're watching.
Which means some people who were watching are going to be pissed on Nov. 3. Some party is going to be crashed. And the party goers are not going to believe that there wasn't enough beer. They're going to want to re-tap the kegs. They will demand their money back. They will not be drunk enough.
Meanwhile, over at the other viewing party, everyone is going to be real drunk. Remember, it is often the winners who start a riot.
When a party doesn't stop, it escalates. Some people are going to be really rowdy even before the sun comes up. They will be power-drunk.
This election is a major turning point in time; the today of Nov. 2 and the tomorrow of Nov. 3 will be two very different days. On Nov. 2, people will think they can do something. On Nov. 3 people are going to have to suck it up and accept it. Either way it goes. Nov. 2 is an ideal, Nov. 3 is a fact. If that's not good television, than I don't know what is.
Gavin Shulman '05 is crazy.
